Right back where I started from

We've been on the run
Driving in the sun
On the stereo
Listen as we go
Nothing's gonna stop us now
California, here we come
Right back where we started from

So I wrote about Chicago and I wrote about Virginia… I didn’t write about Washington D.C. but since all I did there was visit the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum and watch an IMAX movie called Space Station 3D (excitement plus, people) and take touristy pictures outside the Capitol and Jefferson’s Memorial, I didn’t think it needed an entire post of its own. Still, it was fun taking the train into the city and hanging out with my Dad and sister and V but trust dads to find the Air and Space Museum exciting… my sister and I were so bummed that we didn’t have time to visit any of the more interesting museums!

So anyway, time to write about California and Los Angeles and my dear friend J… I got there on a Tuesday night, pretty late, R dropped me off… R was so good at helping me out with the mobile phone and all the lifts to and fro the airport… well, as one of my boyfriend’s best friends he was kinda obligated but it was still extremely nice of him! There was some conversation that night but I was pretty beat from my previous drunken night in Chicago so passed out quite soon! The next morning we woke up bright and early to begin our California adventure… NOT… we woke up casually and lazed around for a bit… the others were heading to San Francisco for a few days (some of the others I hadn’t seen in years… it was fun to meet them again) and they left me with an awesome goodbye present… good ol’ fashioned ganja baby (after three weeks I might add)… it totally set the tone for the rest of the day… so J and I drove to Universal Studios, Hollywood and had a very amusing day hanging out with Shrek and Donkey and the Mummy and various other madcaps.

Travel warning: Do not try the Van Helsing experience stoned! It preys on paranoia…

That evening we just sat around and caught up for hours and felt so lazy to go out and get dinner. It was just like another one of them lazy weekend evenings where you’re getting ready at your friend’s place to go out in the night but you just sit around for hours talking instead of getting ready and suddenly it’s a mad rush for the toilet when you realise what the time is and you wonder what you could’ve possibly done to let the time run that way… so that night by the time we moved our asses, the place we wanted to go to was closed and we had to wait to get a table at another place. So we ate and bought some coke (coca-cola, not cocaine) and went back home and had a couple of drinks (well, I drank… J took shots… she claims that’s the only way she can drink) and passed out. The plan was to drive to San Diego the next morning so we needed to wake up bright and early!

The next morning we woke up bright and early, raring to set off for picturesque San Diego… NOT… as usual it was a struggle to wake up. Luckily she is as bad as me… well, maybe slightly better! Anyway, it got way too late to drive to San Diego so we thought we’d have lunch in Orange County instead… so, last year I was slightly obsessed with this show called The OC which is set in Newport Beach, Orange County… it’s a rather lame show about these rich high-school kids getting up to no good and a lot of reviews compare it to Beverly Hills 90210… I am slightly old for it (my 15 year old cousins idolise it) but I just enjoy it anyway and I know other people my age who enjoy it too. So we had lunch at the Newport Beach boardwalk and walked down the pier and dipped our toes in the freezing Pacific Ocean… it was all rather blasé… you know, lazy and sophisticated all at the same time! Sometimes I talk such shit… We drove back to LA and visited a mall which looked nothing like a mall (called the Grove) and finally went back home.

So this was my last night in LA (and in the US) and we wanted to make sure we had a blast and we had decided to go to a karaoke bar because J and I both love to sing (we and some others also made singing history at some stupid cultural event in Madras way back when in high school) so we proceeded to get very drunk at home and caught a cab to this karaoke bar and everything after that is just one big blur… J managed to lose her flat mate’s camera in the cab, strange men tried to pick us up, we drank killer shots and smoked cigarette after cigarette (oh my god, LA does not allow you to smoke in pubs, NZ doesn’t either, its only a matter of time before Oz joins the non-smoking pubs gang) and we sang, oh boy, did we sing. We sang I Will Survive and Like a Prayer (J’s choice, not mine) and we also sang Help! (although I have absolutely no memory of singing this) and the next morning, the only reminders we had of our wild night on the town were our aching throats… it was awesome… I had such a blast. That day took me back again to the times of staying over in a friend’s house or having a friend stay over at my house after a Saturday night out… so you’d wake up really late and then lie around for a couple of hours talking about all the madness from the night before… and then you’d shower slowly and set out to meet other friends for a lazy evening chat about the madness from the night before. So this time there was no meeting of other friends though… this time was packing my bags and saying goodbye again!

So that was that… meeting J after 2.5 years and 2.5 days is all we had. 2.5 days of driving, singing, drinking, eating and sleeping. It was so great – thanks J! I’m not finished with California though… there are some places you visit and think you just wouldn’t care if you never went there again and there are other places you visit and they continue to call you back… that’s not the end for me and C…

Ain’t it a shame
That all the world can’t enjoy your mad traditions
Life is the longest death in California

Of Hotel Rooms, Bathrobes & Business Plans

How lame… I am in party town Sydney for one night on work and what am I doing with myself but sitting in a bathrobe in my hotel room and watching The OC… even lamer, I already watched this episode of The OC when I was in the US… oh, how I wish I was there again watching The OC with the kids, vegetating in the basement fighting for space on the couch, arguing about who’s hot and who’s not… but anyway, I am not there so let’s move on! Getting back to lameness… I actually prefer chilling by myself in my hotel room over the option of calling some random acquaintance to show me the town… If my best friend or a close friend or even someone I vaguely hung out with at some point in Madras lived here, I wouldn’t mind catching up with them. But there is no one… so instead I spent the evening with myself. It was very enjoyable I might add… I’m quite happy to entertain myself… I did it for eight years or whatever when I was growing up and had no one to play with around my neighbourhood and until I started being able to meet my friends from school more often… Someone like poor S on the other hand would just be miserable on his own… he like thrives on conversation or something… So anyway, I finally got here to my hotel after a long long day (woke up at 5:45 am… its criminal I tell ya) and ran myself a bath, poured myself a glass of wine, hooked up my laptop in the bathroom, switched on iTunes and just slipped away… I was just thinking how we are never truly alone these days because we always have something with us that reminds us of who we are and who we love… well, I guess in the old days there’d be a letter or a lock of hair or a faded photograph… but today its all so much more accessible thanks to our mobile phones and laptops and palm pilots and iPods… whenever I leave Madras, while I’m waiting at the airport I open up my mobile phone inbox and re-read all the messages I received while I was there… some of them are pretty random and some are them are really sweet because they say things like ‘it’s so awesome that you’re back’ or ‘it sucks that you have to leave’… whenever I’ve left Madras so far I haven’t had a camera phone but now I do so, Yay, this time I’ll have pictures of my favourite people to look at too… that’s all I did in the US whilst waiting at the airports… looked at the photos of some other favourite people over and over again… So anyway, my point was that even though I was alone this evening, I am not really alone because I have all these messages and photos to look at on my phone and all these photos to look at on my laptop and all my music to listen to…

I'm down half a bottle of wine now and I must be really tired because it hasn't even come close to hitting me so I think I will just go to bed now. What I really want now is a bloody cigarette... like an idiot, I forgot to bring any and the prospect of going out into the cold scary night to get some is not overly exciting... I wish I could just dial-a-smoke... I remember that the most talked about business plans anyone ever came up with in Madras were the dial-a-boom ones. There were promotional strategies, quality assurance mechanisms, procurement and distribution plans, branding exercises on whether dial-a-boom, dial-a-spliff, or dial-a-joint sounded better... Fun times! Sadly no one's dial-a-boom enterprise took off... we were probably too stoned to really do anything about it.

So anyway, it was good to be by myself tonight... no one to complain about high I keep the temperature, no one to tell what to watch on TV (not that anyone does that really, I pretty much rule the remote at home)... but yeah, it was nice... even if I did spend a lot of the evening looking at photos and things that will never leave me alone ;)

Lord Byron - When We Two Parted

In high school, I think I read a snippet of this poem in some Sweet Valley book believe it or not, and I really liked it and somehow found it in those pre-Google days in a dusty collection of Lord Byron poems in the school library... heady days indeed, those pre-Google ones... it was incredibly satisfying to find what you wanted because of all the effort involved in searching... But hey, I am also incredibly glad that I didn't have to do too much research in those days because Google is now my best friend!

So, quite unbidden, a line from this poem came to mind the other day and I cynically smiled to myself as I realised that finally I had an episode in my life that matched the poem (hmmm, maybe not as unbidden as I originally thought)... So I immediately googled it (but what else) and here it is again... less dusty, less effort, same old Lord Byron!

When we two parted
In silence and tears,
Half broken-hearted
To sever for years,
Pale grew thy cheek, and cold,
Colder thy kiss;
Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.

The dew of the morning
Sunk chill on my brow--
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame:
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.

They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me--
Why wert thou so dear?
They knew not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well:
Long, long, shall I rue thee,
Too deeply to tell.

In secret we met--
In silence I grieve,
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee?
With silence and tears.

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

You're The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe!

by C.S. Lewis

You were just looking for some decent clothes when everything changed quite dramatically. For the better or for the worse, it is still hard to tell. Now it seems like winter will never end and you feel cursed. Soon there will be an epic struggle between two forces in your life and you are very concerned about a betrayal that could turn the balance. If this makes it sound like you're re-enacting Christian theological events, that may or may not be coincidence. When in doubt, put your trust in zoo animals.

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In Memory...

I'm just sitting here trying to imagine what you might've been upto today... You might've gotten your degree from Loyola College and like so many others, tried your luck in another country... or maybe, like many others, you'd have stayed behind in Madras and might still be throwing wild parties at your house or beachhouse... Either way, I know that you'd still be a part of my life... It's kinda silly for me to try and imagine what you might have been upto... You should be living these things for yourself... It really shits me that you can't!! You should know though that I have such awesome memories of hanging out with you... that infamous summer of '99, that time when we hung at your beachhouse every single weekend, the tennis matches at your house (I haven't forgotten the juice-mobile), playing pool and taking vodka shots, dancing at EC-41, talking on the phone and hanging out in your room (I will never forget the time you made me listen in on a conversation I was never meant to listen in on... hahaha, it was hilarious though... thank you for that one)!! So, you're the stuff that legends are made of... it's been five years... fuck the legends... I wish you were here!!

My sweet home Madras...

Why are you so special to me? Why can't I ever get you out of my mind? Unconsciencly I compare everything I do here with the way I did things with you.... Some times you come up a bit short but mostly you win hands down and I seriously wonder why I even left you to begin with... Tonight I watched a video of how you looked in 1990... it was incredibly different and yet, fundamentally, you haven't changed at all... Still the same old Mount Road, same old Cathedral Road, same old Chola Sheraton, same old Stella Maris, same old Woodlands drive-in, same old Anna Flyover... same old Madras!

I just have so many memories of you - every story of mine might begin with 'Oh yeah, when I was so smashed...', but what I don't always mention is 'Oh yeah, when I was so smashed in Madras...'! You were my world, the centre of my everything - my life, my love, my home, my very existence... No one will ever be able to take you away from me... your roads and beaches, restaurants and nightclubs, my house and all my friends' houses, even your stinking river and buffaloes and mosquitoes, they will be a part of me until the day I die...

A lot of people ask me, 'So what's up with Penny Lane?' and I say, 'Well, it's a really cool song by The Beatles', but why I really love the song is because it reminds me of you...
Very strange...
Penny Lane is in my ear and in my eyes
There beneath the blue suburban skies

We didn't have no banker with no mac and no fireman with no truck, but we had blue suburban skies and I still have you in my ears and eyes... I can even smell you still... I remember the chill of dawn as I step off the train from yet another trip, dirty and disheveled, inhaling the filth of Central Station and thinking, 'Man, it's good to be back'... I remember the sand trickling through my toes, tasting the salty wind as I walk towards the waves, menacing and inviting at the same time... I remember days spent blissfully doing nothing... I think about how lucky I am to have experienced such decadence and freedom... a life so simple and uncomplicated that I could celebrate such events as Pot Smoking Day (20 April for the un-enlightened), and Gandhi's birthday and Republic Day were just really good excuses to get drunk!!

And as crazy as it sounds, it wasn't all about the alcohol and the drugs... it's about the people and the darndest things they say... good company, a smoke (or even better, a spliff), and a coffee... life's simple pleasures! And so, most of all, I remember the nights spent rolling and smoking and drinking and laughing... I love the life I led with you... everything I am today is such a result of everything I did when I lived with you... you are a mix of everyone I've ever known... you are me when I was five, twelve, sixteen and twenty... So, all it takes is a word, an image, a song, a photograph... and the memories come crashing back... a stoned, smashed journey on the East Coast Road with the music pounding in my head as I stare mesmerised at the shadows on the road... I won't ever forget you, my sweet home Madras!

My Life: The Soundtrack

Opening Credits: Pink Floyd - Coming Back to Life

Waking up: Sophie B. Hawkins - As I Lay Me Down

Average Day: Beatles - Penny Lane

First Date: The Wonders - That Thing You Do

Falling in Love: Beatles - All My Loving/Mel Carter - Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me

Love Scene: The Killers - Indie Rock & Roll

Fight Scene: White Town - Your Woman

Breaking Up: Grinspoon - Better Off Alone

Getting Back Together: The Perishers - Trouble Sleeping

Secret Love: Damien Rice - The Blower's Daughter/Dire Straits - Tunnel of Love

Life's Okay: Simon & Garfunkle - Feeling Groovy (59th Street Bridge Song)

Mental Breakdown: Sex Pistols - My Way

Driving: Dire Straits - Sultans of Swing

Learning a Lesson: The Shins - New Slang

Deep Thought: Beatles - Strawberry Fields Forever

Flashback: Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here/Time

Partying: Goyrella - Goyrella/Mauro Picotto - Komodo

Happy Dance: Bryan Adams - Summer of '69

Regretting: Chicane - No Ordinary Morning

Long Night Alone: Jack Johnson - Taylor

Death Scene: Dire Straits - Brothers in Arms

Closing Credits: Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb

Chicago, Chicago, that toddlin' town...

I still have memories of singing that in my head in 1999 when I visited the windy city for the first time… I had a wonderful time then… I seem to recall a dear journal entry from the time that read something like ‘As soon as I stepped off the train, I fell in love with Chicago’… This time was no different if only slightly colder… still very drunk getting off the tiny plane at O’Hare Airport… pancakes and lots of water laughing about last night and the weekend before… a power nap and cute Greek waiters for lunch… three blue men and a surreal experience… white wine after white wine (and that was just me, there was also Corona after Corona) and bar after bar… ending up with Martyrs and Psycho Dots… a drive home with all the people in the car falling asleep including the driver (as we learnt the next morning)… a lazy church-less Sunday morning… a Melbourne Italian meatball sub in Chicago… shopping for shoes and jeans leaving poor little psychodog in the car… what up G… oh, let’s not forget psycho new neighbour Eva… an evening spent cooking chicken curry (the dinner that kept on giving… hahaha… I laughed my ass off at that one) and playing scrabble (I lost miserably in spite of being the Barista Queen of Scrabble… remember that time in our lives girls…)… my aunt passing out at 10 pm… what do you expect after vodka, kahlua and milk (I feel ill just thinking about it)… going back in time to 1990 and 1999… the Candyman, Amahl and a wedding (there is so much I could say about that experience of mine but I won’t at this point)… oh, the times they are a changing… a train into the city again… six years later… different point of origin but the destination the same… even the Hard Rock Café hasn’t changed at all… a cab driver who hadn’t got any action in a while, the Shedd Aquarium and a friendly beluga whale who resembled an albino seal… Navy Pier, Joe’s Be-Bop Café, the freezing cold and a train ride back home (I still have the ticket stubs as souvenirs)… Moroccan takeaway and A Hard Days Night… another crazy drunken night with me myself and I (also with you me and you for quite a while)… the final day… hotdogs and the unyielding search for Levis 517… steak, white sauce and asparagus… O’Hare airport again… saying goodbye is getting so tiresome and painful… I want to live in a world where I never have to say goodbye to the people I love… that world hasn’t been invented yet, so for now its goodbye again… thank you for another awesome Chicago experience… you’re the last I’m going to see of family for a while to come… God bless and god speed!

From the Seeds

I never did really talk about the actual 50th anniversary thing of Mama and Papa... we're from the generation that will be lucky to make it to 25 years... But their generation truly rocked... Because they didn't really get to choose who they married and somehow it always worked out... I guess they made that extra effort because they believed that what God has put together, no man should put asunder... my grandparents are living testimony to that... they are traditional conservative Malayalee Roman Catholics... and yet, they've lived through so much and lived in so many different places and cultures that they've grown and evolved with the rest of the world and can quite comfortably ask their 23 year old granddaughter if she's ever had sex and talk about homosexuality with their 14 year old grandson and through all this, they've just grown closer and closer that you can never imagine a life in which they hadn't been together... I still recall various times in their lives where Papa had to travel the world on his numerous FAO projects and Mama couldn't always accompany him because of commitments to her beloved daughters and their families... I have been lucky enough to witness a few of their reunions after such gaps in their togetherness... it still brings tears to my eyes to remember them... my Mama and Papa are truly special people... as human beings, as God-fearing Catholics, as parents, as grandparents, as friends, as relatives... I feel I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said that "I've got the best grandparents in the whole world"...

There's so much more to say about them... memories of sitting between them in Papa's oh-so-cool Mercedes singing "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens"... Papa making me leather boots for my Barbie dolls and Mama stitching them clothes... I remember this one time when my Dad was in hospital for his by-pass surgery and I chose that extremely inopportune time to fall sick myself and I felt absolutely miserable because I couldn't be near my Dad because of my propensity to spread the infection and my Mom and sister couldn't be around either because they were looking after my Dad... so it was Papa who came and took me to the doctor everyday... Papa who made me feel safe... And then when Mom fell sick and R died, I thought I was going to have an emotional breakdown... I couldn't cope on my own... The minute I heard Mama was coming, I felt so relieved... I knew that once she arrived, I wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore... she would take care of me and my Mom and sister and Dad... and she did just that... that was the last time I saw her until a few weeks ago... Mama's tears... I feel so bad when she cries and yet, I know that that's her way of telling me she loves me...

And so I had the incredible pleasure of watching them celebrate 50 years together... it was so surreal and so right... I would've given up the world to be there and I am so glad that I was there... through all the celebrations and gifts and jokes and laughter, I know that what they were most grateful for was the fact that they had all their children together again, old and young... I can hardly wait to see them again... I hope its really soon!

We just wanted to say "we love you",
But in truth, we didn't know where to start,
So we thought we'd share a few feelings,
And give you some words, straight from the heart.

Firstly, we'd like to begin by looking skywards,
And thanking those in the heavens above,
Because we know we've been blessed to have shared you,
We know that we've been blessed with your love.

You've both come a long way from Kerala, you gathered
Letters (CLRI, FAO) as you traveled the world, and
You've both been superb role models for all of us, and
As you can see, we've now got our wings truly unfurled.

You've been outstanding parents to your daughters,
And My! Just look how your mighty oak has grown,
Because you're simply unmatchable as grandparents,
We're all very grateful for the love that you've shown.

You've dedicated 16 years to raising M and M,
And we can all count on you as our pillars of
strength, and in truth, you have so many wonderful virtues,
We could go on about them (and at great length).

So, it's Chicago and Virginia, India and Australia,
See how the seeds of your mighty oak have spread,
And we're all so glad you had the good sense to get
Married, as on May 2nd 1955, "I do" were the finest words ever said.

We wanted to say "you're wonderful", in truth, we've
Never said just how wonderful you are, but if our love
For you were a distance, then it would be further than
The furthest star.

We also wanted to say Happy 50th Anniversary,
I guess that's really what these words are for,
Here's to you Mom and Dad, you're truly wonderful,
And here's to your everlasting love, for evermore.

Twilight

I haven't switched any of the lights on yet... the only illumination is from the white laptop screen... Outside, I see a streetlight has come on but I can still catch glimpses of the grey sky so the sun hasn't fully set yet... Something odd happens at this time... I have noticed that whenever I am not doing much at this time, I always get stuck in this twilight... suspended in the act of doing nothing if you like... until night sets in and the darkness envelops me and even then, I just continue to do nothing until I can't take the darkness anymore and have to switch on a light... I remember reading in my room... I continue to read until I can barely see the print (I'm not helping my eyesight condition much, I know)... and then, when I really can't read anymore, for some reason, I absolutely cannot switch on the light to continue reading... I just sit there in the twilight... Why? It's not a pleasant feeling... It's not like waking up on a Saturday morning with nothing to do so you just continue to lie in bed indefinitely... And yet, I can't shake myself of it... Like right now, there are bills to pay and clothes to iron and floors to vacuum but I can’t move… I’m just waiting… for total darkness… Maybe I do this because the feeling of twilight is so very oppressive and the darkness takes me down to such depths of despair that once I do switch on a light, I can’t help but feel better… or maybe I am just lazy and can’t be bothered to get up to switch the light on… it is completely dark now… outside and inside… the only lights are the streetlight and the laptop screen… How much longer shall I continue to sit like this?