And so it ends...

I often wonder why we do this to ourselves... Are we so unhappy in our place of birth that people have to get up and leave in search of greener pastures all the time? I don't have the answers but I do know the pain of having to say goodbye as once more I leave behind the people I love... There is so much that I want to tell you before I go... I'd like you to know that I think you did a wonderful job of bringing me up even though I didn't always know it and didn't always show it...

I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had come here instead of Australia... Maybe Christmas would've meant something instead of being an excuse to get drunk, maybe the cure for Madras-sickness would've been just a short flight away, maybe the earth-shattering grief I felt at the death of my beloved H would've been eased by more than one person... Lots of maybes... There are probably many negative maybes too... So again, I don't have the answers...

What I do know is this... you mean the world to me and always have... When we are all together I feel that nothing can ever go wrong for me... I hate that I have to go back to Australia even though S is like my family there and you will continue to have me in your thoughts and prayers... It isn't enough for me... It never has been... I feel your absence there more strongly than I ever imagined I would...

So what am I left with... two absolutely wonderful weeks that ended in the blink of an eye... I know that time flies when you're having fun... I wish it wouldn't... It should fly when you are lonely and depressed... So when I am lonely and depressed I will remember this short time that we had together and even though it will make me sadder that it had to end I will be glad that I had the chance to experience it even...

The tears are rolling down my cheeks now as I realise that I will be saying goodbye to you in less than two hours... So goodbye dear family... My only hope is that it is not six years before we can all be together again...