'Cause I'm just a girl, little ol' me, Don't let me out of your sight...I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite, So don't let me have any rights...

I sometimes feel that for someone who doesn’t know me except through my blog, they probably wonder a little at my seemingly endless alcohol capacity and they probably even think I’m somewhat of a ditzy blonde type character what with only writing about partying on my blog. So I am now going to try and dispel all these notions by telling you more about myself and the things I love slightly more than Bacardi Rum… only slightly, mind ;-)

I love my significant other, mind, body and soul. You would think we’d be mildly bored after 7.5 years (getting quite close to 8) but honestly, without wanting to get all sentimental and mushy, it’s even better than when we first started out because now we know who we really are and how we fit together whereas then we were such clueless kids stumbling our way through the sweltering Madras social scene and those first couple of cold, lonely Melbourne years. Now, the 7 year itch has well and truly passed and each day is better than the next!!

I love my baby sister and she is the only person so far I would willingly take a bullet for!

I love my parents and all of my immediate family in spite (or maybe because) of their exasperating ways

I heart Labradors (and ok, most dogs)… again this is mind, body and soul. One despondent look (particularly from Labs) and I am a slushy pile of putty for them to do with me what they will. I love and miss Holly and Chocolate and Fudge and Biscuit and Ginger and Teddy and Rusty and Tipsy and Frosty. Now is probably a good time for me to introduce the latest additions to my family in Madras… presenting Tipsy the Holly look alike and Frosty the little mongrel rescued from the Blue Cross (yet another birthday present)!

I love my friends and I have some pretty darn great ones… I believe you can tell a lot about a person from their friends so obviously I am pretty freaking AWESOME since my friends are pretty freaking cool too!

I wouldn’t go so far as to say I love my job but I do feel gratified when I have a clear deliverable to work towards and there’s a total adrenalin rush until I hand it in… then I get a bit bored because the fun part is over and I hate going back into the document to simply change things based on feedback… it’s just too boring. But I do love a glowing commendation on a job well done. I guess it’s hard to really love a job when it’s a job, rather than a profession. I never really leaned towards a doctor/lawyer type of thing… I think the closest I got was wanting to be a chartered accountant. Not sure what happened there… I think computers came along and that was the end of that. So 8 years later, I’m still in IT and I can’t complain… I think mostly I do like systems and processes better than I like numbers. But on some days, I’m not so sure…

There are plenty of other things I love in my life but they might be on par with a party night out or just under… I love reading… I’ll read absolutely anything although I do prefer fiction. Reading and my alcohol intake do not go so well together because no matter what the time and irrespective of how blind I am, I will pick up the book on the bedside table without fail and attempt to read… sometimes I’ve managed to get through whole chapters but the next day it’s all such a blur, I have to go back and start over. And this has happened time and time again… nonetheless I persevere…

I love eating chocolate and going out for Italian and Indian food. I love drinking my hot chocolate in the mornings, even in summer… although I’ve cut them down to about 2 a week. I love flowers… white roses and colourful tulips… I like going to the movies or curling up on the couch with a DVD… I am also a total couch potato Monday to Thursday and have numerous favourite must see TV shows per day. I love eating potato chips and ketchup… I’m not sure why I’m bringing this up but I suddenly thought of them and can’t help drooling… I completely drench the chips in ketchup and then mix them up with my hands and eat them like rice and yogurt… it is to freaking die for! I also love eating ice cream but that’s the last thing I’m going to say about eating since this is not a food post! I love listening to music on my way to and from work and I love singing along to live guitar playing. I like reading other peoples blogs (when they update them… hmph!) and my newest online obsession is Facebooking! I also like catching up with friends on MSN, the phone or email but there’s never quite enough of it, one feels. Oh my god, how could I forget… I love owning new stuff (and hence, have to carry out the necessary evil of shopping to get there)… I love driving with the sun roof open on a warm sunny day and I love crossing the river when walking back home (because as you may or may not know, I heart bodies of water)… I love sleeping… if there is no alcohol in my system, I can sleep and sleep for even 12 hours each night. But alas, alcohol does not mix well with my sleep patterns and I jump right up with the slightest noise and the smallest toss or turn from the person lying next to me. It’s just punishment for how well I sleep during the week I feel. This is why my Saturday/Sunday mornings are always crap! That’s enough for now about things I like to do.

Concerning my personality in general, clearly I am not blonde and I am certainly not ditzy… I’m quite the opposite of ditzy really… I’m a control freak so I know exactly what’s happening when… that doesn’t mean I don’t go with the flow and don’t do stuff unless its been planned and I’ve been told well in advance… if such a spontaneous plan comes up though, I mentally have to readjust stuff in my head to get my life back into sync i.e. laundry postponed until tomorrow, grocery shopping absolutely has to be done today so whatever happens getting to Safeway by 6:00 pm, after two beers won’t have mood to cook dinner so any leftovers available… nope… dinner out then, etc. etc. I also feel I have borderline OCD but let’s dwell on that another time. I guess another thing about me is that I am rather a lazy person but once I get started on something, there’s no turning back. So this is where my mental to do list helps me move my ass because when it gets over 5 items, I’m in serious trouble and that motivates me enough to cross off at least 3 items in the one go. So yes, I am also a bit of a procrastinator. This also explains my couch potato habit for most of the working week… that’s why, when the weekend rolls around, the promise of alcohol and fun times with good friends is what perks me up and gets me off the couch. And once I’m off it, I am never very keen to get back to it (metaphorically speaking) and insist on partying till the cows come home.

This leads in nicely to the next topic – the one regarding my bottomless pit of desire for Bacardi Rum… it is not true at all that I have a bottomless pit… quite the contrary… sometimes I am terribly hungover and no amount of coaxing will convince my stomach that drinking again is just the ticket to recover… at other times, my stomach gets full really quickly and again no amount of coaxing will convince my stomach that 2 drinks is not an acceptable limit at which to stop drinking. Then there are other times where I stupidly start off with beer or wine and then try and switch and oh boy does that fail miserably most times. If I’m lucky I just get really tired and want to pass out. If I’m unlucky, I feel like I’m seasick and almost always have to throw up to recover. So as per that other control freak aspect of my personality, since I know what I’m doing most weekends i.e. birthday parties, etc., I am mentally prepared to have a great time so somehow that helps me drink heaps and since I am also off the couch, I really just love to stay out and party on! Sadly, not everyone is off the same temperament and on most occasions I am forced home when people around me are passing out or the party is packing up! But look me up on the Sunday and chances are I am back to my couch potato mode and it will take rather a lot to induce me to drink and even then I will stop at like 2 or 3. Luckily, whether I have plans on Friday or not, I am totally up for anything because it’s just terribly depressing to hang out at home on the couch on a Friday evening and I am only tempted to do it if I have a very very big Saturday planned.

That about wraps it up for now. My next post will go back to it’s partying ways and be all about the last one month and it’s 101 birthday parties, concerts and other events. Things are also brightening up considerably... glorious daylight savings time is back again and we've had a couple of wonderfully warm summer days... This weekend I am off to the eastern most tip of mainland Australia – a delightful little coastal town called Byron Bay. Going with 6 others so should be heaps of fun. And in the meantime, be safe and drink responsibly :-p

It's so hard to get old without a cause, I don't want to perish like a fleeing horse,Youth's like diamonds in the sun, and diamonds are forever

So I've got to be as quick as I can... the laptop battery is so going to die in all of 15 mins and I'm so not braving the cold in the lounge just to freaking blog... I mean, this is spring and all but it's like mid-winter really... it's not fair, really, but there ain't much we can do. Anyway, enough about the stupid weather... I hope and I pray for warmer weather soonish!!

So the strange thing is, how that song from the last time still has a total hold on me... I mean, honestly, that's the only reason I'm even blogging tonight... if I hadn't had to listen to that song, I wouldn't even be awake right now. And I don't even freaking like Coldplay... as a matter of fact, I'll go as far to say I hate Coldplay...

That'll probably ruffle a few freaking feathers... but what can I say or do...

So anyway, I had the awesomest birthday... I think it always helps when your birthday is on the weekend... that means the whole world can party with you without missing work and feeling guilty for whatever reason. So my birthday began on Thursday evening when we prepared to go to the Steely Dan concert... it was full on... we had many drinks and tapas and then headed to Rod Laver and once the concert started, fully sipped on the hip flask and before I knew it, the concert was finished. I mean, I like Steely Dan and all but I'm not their biggest fan. I really love Dirty Work but they had some total Mary J. Blige type character sing it which just totally pissed me off and ruined it for me!!! Anyway, we all had a blast though and had many more drinks after the concert also. Friday was a total mess... recovering from Thurs night and attempting to clean the house in preparation for Sat night but not really making any progress. Anyway, Fri evening arrives and my lover and me go to dinner and have a couple of drinks and then he pretends like I absolutely have to go to this friends house to say Hi and way before I get there, I totally know all my friends are going to be there drinking away. So that's exactly what happens... and I have many drinks on my birthday eve with my best friends and we smoke cigars and all, just for a change. And at midnight, a home made cake comes out and champagne and all... and many overseas calls also arrive and it was just freaking awesome!!!

At about 5 am, we stagger back home and I open all my presents from my lover and try a few things on as well and somehow get to bed by about 5:30 am... alas, I am forced awake by 10 am thanks to many more overseas phonecalls... seriously, it is the only day in the year, I actually give a crap about my mobile and keep it beside me at all costs!! Anyway, there is no hope left after that and I still don't even have the energy left to clean and all... at about 6 pm, things are exactly the same and I am just many more phonecalls down. Finally, I force myself to get my act together and sleepwalk my way through cleaning the house and get ready and stuff and before I know it, it's 9 pm and my guests are arriving. And from then until 7:30 am, Sunday morning, who even freaking knows what happens. It was just madness all around. It was really awesome. And I got soooooooooo many presents, it was crazy. So much fun. And I think everyone really had a blast, that was really the best part. And the biriyani that I ordered totally got cleaned out in all of 2 hours... it was crazy... not even one grain of rice was left over. :-)

Absolutely nothing exciting has happened since then... I mean, obviously the week was completely crap and this weekend was supposed to be easy but with someone's birthday drinks last night and someone else's birthday drinks tonight, it's hard to slow down!!! So it's not strictly true that nothing exciting has happened, but for me, my birthday and all it's associated shenanigans are the eptiome of party time for the year.

The strangest thing... for a few years in between, life was strange... it wasn't as happening and I honestly wondered how smart I'd been with some of the choices in my life!!! But now, I can honestly say that I love my life more than ever and it doesn't really matter that I'm 26... I still feel 18 and my life is still as exciting as if I was indeed 18 :-) I mean, honestly, 18 till I die baby!!

Speaking of babies, my best friend's baby is almost 2 years old and obviously I still haven't met him yet but amazingly he's learnt my name... it's sooooo adorable... I spoke to him the other day and he's totally like Hi, Bye, Ithi.. awwwww.. sooo cute!!

But speaking of other babies, my baby sister is now 18... she still totally breaks my heart though!! I can't wait to hang with her in December and hopefully I can show her the way. Oh my god, did I mention the fact that she got a freaking Labrador puppy for her birthday... I'm so happy cos I get to hang with this puppy in a couple of months but I feel so sad that I can't get a dog of my own :-( And apparently, she looks like just like my beloved Holly... that figures... Christmas and New Years is going to be soooo weird this year. I'm not exactly sure why...

So I've decided to open up commenting again... haha... I'm really not sure why I stopped... but, whatever...

Sometimes when you take a step back and think about life in general, it's a bit frightening... because life is incredibly strange and it really takes you full circle... with the things you do and the people you meet and the way you change...

Also, this Forever Young song... I used to love the original by Alphaville until I actually listened to Youth Group and then it was totally like, oh my god, what were Alphaville thinking?! That just goes to show... old is not always necessarily best... this song I only like the remixed Youth Group version now... Alphaville is just yawn... but there are obviously other songs where this doesn't apply at all and old still rules!!!

It's going to be another freaking awesome year... what else is new ;-)

Forever young, I want to be forever young

I don't quite know, how to say, how I feel

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

Those three words
I've said too much
But not enough

Oh my god, this is one of them songs… I haven’t had one of these songs for a while… you know, one of them songs you listen to over and over one night… I don’t know man, I have these songs once ever so often and then for a long time, I completely lose interest pretty much in music all together and suddenly that song comes along that brings it all back… So tonight is one of them nights, and this is one of them songs. It’s called Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol and I’ve heard it on tv/radio/in the stores for the last I don’t know how many months but never had it but tonight I’m just like, I have to have it and so I downloaded it and right now its on iTunes repeat and I guess it will be on repeat until I finish this post… and I imagine that’s gonna take a while. Unfortunately this is the same song that was the finale for Grey’s freaking Anatomy this year in Oz (oh, sorry, 2006, last year it seems) but I hate the freaking show so it hurts that I like the song so much but it’s ok, I’ll adjust for tonight…

Oh right, so first off, Happy Birthday dear friend Rael… we missed you over Christmas and New Years and I guess it’s going to be a while before you’re back again after your jettsetting global adventures… So anyway, I’m just back after many drinks at his birthday party and I thought now is a good time as any to update blog… haha, it’s taking twice as long to spell right, but anyhow…

Where the hell do I begin??? I guess I could begin with the first couple of nights that they got into town (they being Rita and Phil aka auntie and uncle but never wanting to be introduced as such)… oh man, it was the most awesome time ever… they’re the coolest people I know… on par with my baby sister and my baby cousins… and none of them are babies no more… oh god, I miss my family!!! It just went by so quick…

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

So anyhow, there was Christmas prep with the tree and presents and shit and then there was Christmas Eve where I forced everyone to stay up pretty much and so we tried to go to Crown Casino and stuff and the whole world tried to convince me not to go to Midnight Mass, but I went anyway, by myself, I might add… It was good though, I sang carols soulfully and missed my parents and sister like no tomorrow and then the next day my mom refuses to even believe I went to Church… geez, I’m a devil, but not that much of a devil that I’d lie about going to Christmas Mass… But anyway, I got home and we all wished each other and then exchanged the few hundred presents we had for each other and it was so good. I got so many cool clothes… I’ve pretty much worn all of them this whole little holiday of mine… Christmas is awesome!!!

Christmas Day was insane in its own little way… I’d had about 4 hours of sleep and then we went to this lunch where everyone was gathering at and oh my god, I drank like 3 drinks of Old Monk which was on offer and then it finished so I went back to Bacardi but basically we were all there from 1 pm until about 7 pm and who even knows what happened in between… This sweetheart was one of the highlights of my Christmas… no other dogs in my life at this point… there’s Rusty of course, but he’s so freaking far away!!!! Don’t worry though Holly, I still think of you evey fucking day… why? Why? Why were you taken away from me?

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things
Will never change for us at all

Then I had about one good night’s sleep after 5 days and Boxing Day I conscioulsy said I would not even take a sip of alcohol and I didn’t and that night we flew to Cairns and got to Port Douglas really late but it was sooooo good to be back in tropical climates… guess what, so called summer in Melbourne, it freaking hailed on Christmas Day… too depressing! The only thing I don’t miss about tropical climates is freaking lizards… gross as “pallis”… gross man, they creep the shit out of me… But anyway, we chilled on the beach, we ate some awesome meals and then we went on a tour to one of the outer reef areas… I tried scuba diving and unfortunately for me it didn’t go so well :-( The water just went fully into my nose everytime I tried so I didn’t do it eventually and went snorkelling instead and went on some strange ocean walk where they put this space type helmet on my head and I walked about 6 metres down the ocean floor and it was just quite mad… it was stupid man, I was just like, what the fuck is this shit… but I got to touch some fish… haha, don’t know if I ever wanted to touch fish… anyhow, the Great Barrier Reef is awesome… and the warm water is unbelievable… the last day we went on some Rainforest tour and went on a cable car ride a couple of thousand metres high and it was pretty fucking scary! And then we took some scenic railway and I think I saw some Aboriginals in Australia after 4.5 years finally! The trip was soooo good… I’m sooo going back and I’m so getting certified to go diving so I’ll have more time to get used to the breathing underwater crap!



Then we got back to Melbourne and had a whole other kind of trip… haha, I so don’t want to talk about it… I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… there are some trips better left unsaid!!! All I am willing to say is how much sense Penny Lane by the Beatles makes now!!! And I am sooo Penny Lane!!!



If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Then there was New Years Eve… I suppose it could be considered rather tame compared to various other years… but it was great… all our near and dear ones in this city were around us! I had a great time… one of the best moments was talking to baby sister dear when we were almost going to bed at 5:30 am and it was just her midnight then. Man, I don’t know how she’s going to grow up without me around… I don’t know if I’m a positive influence, but I’m certainly her older fucking sister and that has to count for something… well, I’m not around either way, so I just have to cross my fingers and hope for the best!

And then there was New Years Day where I walked around in a daze and we went to Mexican Margarita dinner and then we went to a drive in movie and I freaking slept and I don’t think I’ve ever slept at a movie before, drive in or otherwise, so believe me when I say I was fucking done to have done that! And then there was their last day where we went to the wildlife sanctuary and I finally got to see a freaking kangaroo after 4.5 years… I don’t quite know how to say how much it meant to be able to finally see one… and they are so freaking adorable!! And then we got fucking wasted that night and then they left :-(…

All that I am
All that I ever was
It’s here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see

I so don’t enjoy being at work right now :-( Life sucks when you nothing and no one to look forward to!!

Man, it’s 2007… we can’t even pretend to be little kids anymore even though that’s all I’ll ever be at heart… what’s up with this shit that we have to pretend to be responsible adults… and I don’t even mind being a responsible adult… but, it just sucks when your age and the year kinda dictates that you have to be one… 18 til I die baby…

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

This song makes me so sad though… I don’t quite know why… it just reminds me of a time when it wasn’t like this… of course, at the time, I wasn’t satisfied at all… all I wanted was to get away… I guess, just forget the world… but it was that same time that so many amazing things happened… I remember some days, I’m not sure what we did but I know we laughed a lot and the hours just went by so quick and we thought it was never ever going to get any better and maybe it hasn’t… and I remember some nights, the first few times we went out, we went to dinner each time and then we’d buy a quart of Old Monk rum each and get fucking wasted on that one little quart… and then we’d pick up some friends who’d we give some more quarts to, haha, and then we’d go to EC-41 and we’d both get in for free because we were cool that way… that’s a whole other story, how I got a lifetime free membership to EC-41… it’s a brilliant story, but not tonight… so then we’d be in EC-41 and most nights most everyone else was there… but there were some nights that it was pouring down rain and hardly anyone’d be there… but we were there… and we’d dance and we’d sing and we’d drink and we’d smoke and we’d laugh our asses off… so it isn’t as easy as that anymore… nobody does the same shit anymore… there isn’t the one place to go to anymore, the one place that is guaranteed to get you into a good time…

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me your garden that's bursting into life

I don’t know what’s going to become of us… I mean, at one point in your life you’re so used to having a certain group of people around all the time and then one day that just doesn’t happen no more and maybe you get a different group of people and that’s also just wonderful but what about that first group of people? How do you get them back into the groove? Because you miss them and love them like you did when you were 18-20??!! But perhaps they don’t remember it like you do, and it’s as stupid as chasing cars to them to even imagine that it could ever happen again! I’ve been having these dreams these last couple of weeks, all filled with old times and old people… such good times… and this is at a time in my life where I’m completely enjoying my current life (apart from work of course)! I don’t know, I wake up highly disturbed because I feel like something’s gone terrribly wrong in my hometown and there’s nothing I can do to make it ok. I swear, it feel so real I honestly wonder what happened that I should dream of all of them so vividly… these kinda dreams haven’t happened since the first time I left India all those years ago.

I guess right now I’m sorta just hoping for good things whenever it is I get to go back again… I mean it’s always good, everytime I go back, but sometimes it just fucking kills you… I mean, it can only kill you when you’ve been away… but it fucking kills you anyway… but I love them all… and I miss them all… and that’s my utopian dream… that they could all be here with me…

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don’t quite know how to say how I feel… I’m still listening to the stupid song and it’s daylight now so that’s freaking great… I guess I will try to just not sleep until later tonight I think cos I gotta go to work early tomorrow morning anyway… But so, I was just flipping through the few hundred photos from the last 10 days and it just has to make you smile doesn’t it… the way people look in them… so happy… maybe they were drunk at the time, and sometimes they weren’t, believe it or not… but we all look so freaking happy… and a lot of the New Years Eve ones, we’re just kinda sticking our hands up in the air with the Christmas tree in the background and lots of crazy light effects happening because the fancy ass camera wasn’t on auto focus and it’s just funny… it’s just a perfect reflection of how people feel/felt/will feel… I hope it’s a good year… for everyone I know and love… something tells me it has the potential to be… the year a lot of things change for a lot of people in a good way… we’re getting old man, and there’s no denying that! I’m no longer early 20’s, I’m mid-20’s, my boyfriend will be “late” 20’s after his birthday this year, poor guy… but it’s ok… I think we’re entering a completely new exciting phase of all our lives… Happy 2007!!!

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

There’s something wrong with the world today, I don’t know what it is. Something’s wrong with our eyes. We’re seeing things in a different light, and

Bushfires are a way of life in Australia particularly in the dry summer months. So normally you hear about it in the news and you feel sorry for the loss of wildlife and property and sometimes human life but mostly it’s as remote as the monsoon floods in Bombay or the hurricanes in the US. But not this year… this year is looking to be the biggest bushfire season in I’m not sure how many years and they are predicting these fires will go on for the next three months and a few millions of hectares of lands will be destroyed in the process. But what is really really frightening is how the smoke from these fires burning a couple of hundred of kilometres away has been consistently making it to the city at least once a week until the wind changes again. I am looking out my window and literally not able to see beyond a couple of blocks... the smoke has been getting into the ventilation systems of all the buildings and there’s this constant burning smell in the air and sometimes our eyes water… and this is us, sitting here safe and sound in the urban jungle… I can’t even begin to imagine what the fire fighters and other rescue workers are going through on the front lines and all the other affected communities and towns. And everything goes back to climate change and global warming… I remember in class 8 or 9 I wrote a critical composition on global warming and my teacher said it was damn good… I don’t think I chose that topic, it was just given to us but I can’t even remember what I wrote. What on earth could I have known about global warming then? I vaguely remember something about the ozone layer and now at 25, that’s still all I know. And that the big giant hole in it is right above Australia! So as distant as the effects of global warming and climate change are predicted to be, they’re already here. And let me tell you, walking on the streets when its 35 degrees, with the sun being blocked by a grey ash smelling canopy of haze is incredibly eerie. Almost like a ghost town…

But on to cheerier topics… like Christmas… what an incredibly cheery time it is… they call it the silly season and we have been having the silliest times with Christmas and birthday parties galore. At my work one which was an all day thing at the Yarra Valley which is a premier wine district close to Melbourne, we had like a mini Olympics thing all afternoon and me, little ol’ unfit me, managed to scale a 12 metre rock climbing wall. It was insane… like getting off the ground was hard and then I just kept going and suddenly I’d get stuck not knowing where to move my hands or legs next and I’d just hug that freaking wall and say, fuck, what now??!! But eventually I made it to the top and abseiled down and it was just awesome. So…never say never! Then they tried to convince me to join the company’s girl’s team for a triathlon next year which includes a 400m swim, 4km run and 10km bike ride and in the rush of all that adrenalin I said yes. But having had time to reflect and return to my lazy unfit lifestyle, I have completely changed my mind. But anyway, my team which was Team White won pretty much all the activities and so we won the whole thing and we all got little Christmas hamper thingies as presents… they have some awesome presents/events at this new workplace of mine. We got overnight type bags as our Christmas presents and had like two Christmas parties and then we’re constantly being invited to smaller team bbq’s, coffees and lunches. Like today, we had a coffee catch up as part of one team and then I went to a team lunch as part of another team. Good fun it is and tomorrow is my last day before heading off to Christmas break so even better.

Outside of work, attended various other sessions… went to a Christmas party like no other complete with Bad Santa and dirty as Christmas carols… was so funny. I got a lovely Santa hat with lights all around it so with batteries, I was lit up like a Christmas tree. Oh my god, I have so had it with shopping… shopping for people, shopping for the house, even grocery freaking shopping, when will it all end? I have been to the stupid shops pretty much every day in the last two weeks and I am so over it. I hope I don’t have to shop until June next year at least (although we all know I’ll be back at it long before then…)

So aunt and uncle have made it to New Zealand and will be arriving here tomorrow evening. Tomorrow is my last day of work before 10 sweet days of unbridled relaxation and entertainment. The four of us are heading up to Port Douglas on Dec 26 for some sun and sand and a long awaited glimpse of the Great Barrier Reef – so I can cross at least one of the natural wonders of the world off my list then. And then we’ll be back here for New Years… last year Goa, this year Melbourne. Different, but should be good still.

Last year this time I was in Madras and fully revelling in all the food, fun and attention. This year, I feel more remote from Madras than I’ve felt in a long time. There are always periods where I lose complete touch with what’s happening and feel disinclined to make an effort to find out because it’s nice for someone else to make the effort for a change.

The thing is though that home is where the heart is and my heart is still firmly ensconced in the house I grew up in and the room my sister now inhabits, with my parents and my baby sister and the can’t-live-without-‘em four legged friends. I posted a Christmas card to my parents today and when I was picking it, this one said something about thanking them for making Christmas so magical when I was a child and it’s amazing how thoughtful they continue to be even now and oh my god, it was all I could do to fight the tears back being in the crowded store and all (well, a few escaped) because every word was true and I feel guilty sometimes that I just don’t let them know how much they mean to me and take them for granted and even get really annoyed with them when spending long periods of time with them in the same house. So if they read this blog, they would know but of course they don’t so I hope the card will suffice.

Merry Merry Christmas and see you on the other side of 2007.

Spinning away, like the night sky On a hill, under a raven sky I have no idea exactly where I've been Some kind of change, some kind of spinning away

My last wild weekend in pictures (seems like eons ago now)… my first theme party in Australia I might add… Some kudos to myself (yeah, bring on the self congratulatory wishes) and fellow organiser Flowerchild.

The invite (designed by yours truly)


The banner (also me)


The party favours (some crappy $1 nail polish inside each takeaway box… it was really just for effect. How we attempted to draw martini glasses on the side with glitter glue and we found the most adorable martini glass stickers… but it was madness as we tried to finish all this at the 11th hour. Oh, lets not forget the thank you tags (thanks to Rat and sister Rat) and me maliciously mutilating it with a fork until Shutterbug came to the rescue with hole punch, blue tac and various other amenities.)

The video of NYC and Melbourne city images in the background (by Flowerchild… to set the mood)


The light bathroom reading


The food (yeah I apologise… you can’t really see it… but believe me when I say it was all very New York and hors d’oeveish. It was really cheap and easy too except driving what seemed like miles and miles to the little Middle Eastern bakery in the middle of nowhere for the mini quiches. How some people find these spots I don’t know but I nearly killed a few people turning into it. Yeah, goes against middle of nowhere if there were people to be killed but it’s complicated.)

The cocktails (of course, the best part… we had Apple Martinis and the signature Sex & the City drink, the Cosmopolitan. I know in my last post I said something about the tequila high… well the cocktail high is similar and much much better… I was floating… all night… brilliance… don’t miss the name tags so people didn’t lose their martini glass)

The bride


The hostesses


The girls (well, some…)


The dog (awwww…)


The boys (they had a stripper but from the pictures she looked old and boring… of course, they will beg to differ… in this pic, they’re pretending to be pirates, I don’t know why)





The merge (like on Survivor, but funner (I don’t believe that’s a word)… total chaos ensued… we ran out of all our booze and took to swigging straight from the Baileys bottle and some boys mixed tequila into the rest of the cocktails and boy was it foul… it completely messed some people up too)

The club (we went to this place called Marakesh which played the most awesome house and there were some incidents along the way as usual… let’s just say henceforth I will maintain a safe distance between my head and all things metal (cab doors, for example)… the club was a real blur… I was later told I consumed a shot or two of tequila which some people thoughtfully bought for everyone… this may or may not be true. I’m not even entirely sure how so many of us made it there cos it was in some alleyway and I guess there must have 1 or 2 less drunk people coordinating… I know that I will never be able to find the place again… I only remember dancing… and jumping up and down in happiness… and walking home in the freezing cold with the rain pouring down around us and ruining our fabulous dresses and high heels… and I also remember looking up at the heavens in wonder and delight… and laughing… and laughing…)

It was a perfect high and a perfect night. How come they all don’t turn out this way? I shouldn’t ask such silly complaining type questions… the truth is, I have nothing to complain about… except for a few dry spells here and there, the majority of my life has been pretty damn awesome.

On a completely unrelated note, I just walked through Myer which I tend to do when I need to go anywhere because once you get inside Myer, you can walk about 3 city blocks without having to be outdoors and on days like today that have a mild wind chill factor (ha, Melbourne weather does not understand the meaning of the word ‘mild’… it is either blistering heat or bone chilling winds) Myer is a most handy indoor route. So anyway, in Myer, they have already set up their 100 or so Christmas trees much in advance for the Christmas season. I’m sorry, but October? That is way too early even for me.

Go, go, go shawty It's your birthday We gonna party like it's yo birthday We gonna sip Bacardi like it's your birthday

I have never been so de-motivated before in my life. I thought I’d sunk as low as I could go at the last job but this new one is freaking unbelievable (except for the pay). Someone, help me escape please??!! This week has just been beyond awful and I’m soooo glad it’s Friday!!!

I don’t know if I’ve suddenly become super popular or if our little world has widened its borders considerably but it seems like I haven’t had a quiet moment on a weekend in more than four months. I’m not complaining or anything… after all, this is why I whinge and whinge about missing Madras so much. But I’m just finding it a bit unusual here. I had to ditch my parents also on two nights when they were here because of social engagements… haha… social engagements… of course, they don’t mind. In Madras, they’re used to just catching brief glimpses of my sister and me as we rush between numerous social engagements… haha… social engagements.

So, my parents… what a trip that was. I am not conventionally close to my parents… I think I stopped talking to them for a few years between 13 and 18 – there was some serious bottled up teenage angst. And I think about it now, and I’m still not sure if I really had anything to be angsty about or if it was just pure drama because I felt that was how a teenager should be – moody, rebellious and monosyllabic. But this was only at home right… I was the total cheerleader prom queen singing club president at school… I got involved in anything and everything… a lot of the times because I really enjoyed it, you know, like singing and acting and all… and other times just to alleviate the boredom of school by being involved in everything. Oh man, I’d love to tell you about my holier-than-thou Convent school one day… but not today.

So anyway, the relationship improved drastically since I moved away from home and last year when I went home I was shocked at how mellow and complacent they’d gotten with mini me (my friends would call her that because she’s often a spitting image)! And she like totally rules the roost at home… I mean, come on… I might’ve paved the way and everything but she is like in a totally different league of getting her way.

But so apparently I totally bossed them around on their visit and I’m like, well, did they not boss me around for the first 20 years of my life? The tables will always turn. My children will surely boss over me… or not… I’m not as easy as my mom. But then again, there was Holly and Chocolate and Rusty… one puppy dog look and I’m wrapped around their paw. Children quite possibly have the same power of the puppy dog look. But anyway, they fully exaggerate – I did not boss them around. And did I mention that in general, my parents are quite nuts. They’re not into formality of any kind and sometimes when my father speaks, I want the earth to open up and swallow me whole. And my mother is SMS trigger happy and it just totally killed her she hardly had anyone to SMS.

I was certainly pampered to a certain extent. My mom cooked a few meals and my dad took us all out for dinner all the other meals and I’m still happily living off leftovers – I never want to cook again… sigh :-S

They also bought me two more items of furniture and patience dear reader, all will be delivered and set up within the next two weeks and then all photos will go up for public viewing.

Anyway, they’ve only hopped across to New Zealand and they’ll be back in all their glory in a couple of weeks.

So my birthday week was lots of fun… with my dad around there’s drinking every night but of course I can’t really get drunk, not that they’d notice really… went out for dinner on my birthday eve to the Mexican place and downed a whole pitcher of Margaritas and then we stayed up as usual until midnight and my parents insisted on staying up too and then I got all my presents and cards. Had the day off on my birthday after two years and spent it very lazily and then had to get everything ready for the party.

The party was quite mad. I measure its success by the number of people who were beyond the limits of wastedness… someone kept forcing these strange shots called Jager bombs into my hand at the pub we went to after my house. Now there’s this Jagermeister stuff and what I think was happening is that you get a mug of beer and a shot of Jagermeister and you have to drop the Jagermeister in the beer mug (it makes the most delightful sounding plop) and drink it together as the potent Jager bomb. It was great fun even though it tasted like shit. I couldn’t do more than three.

Here’s a sneak preview of the house… haha… the dining table all set up

My huge ass cake…

The next night went to someone else’s house party and met two adorable Labs. One of them just chased people with a plate all night and since the other one was a guest, he very reluctantly had to stop following the other one around every time his owner called him. Oh my god, I miss dogs!! I don’t know that any dog of mine could ever be so well-behaved though – they would just be my ruination with their puppy dog looks.

Spent this week recovering and another action packed weekend ahead with left over painting, another birthday party and general planning for a bachelorette party the weekend after. So if there is plan anytime between now and January, please book me in now only (I don’t know who I’m talking to since only three people I know in Melbourne visit this blog)!!

I like to party... Everybody does...

I can't believe Christmas has come and gone... with everything else that was going on, I had absolutely no time to do Christmassy things like sing carols and since I finished all my bloody shopping in Australia, there was no real urgency except of course to wrap all my presents at the last bloody minute as usual. Anyway, I got to sing carols in church and went home and had cake and wine and then went off party hopping at some 3 in the morning to go wish all my friends who were partying the night away!! There was also annual drinks and dinner bash at my house on Christmas night and much wine was drunk by all and much fun was had by all...



I can't believe Madras... It's like I never left. Last year when I visited, I knew no one whenever I went out except for the people I was with... This year, I'm amazed at all the old faces I'm seeing again... the same old faces who used to be at every party and every disco on every Friday and Saturday night when I lived and partied in Madras. Friday night was a very random getting wasted night where I met like some 100 people I hadn't met in years in the one crowded pub and the next day I was still remembering more and more people I'd met or seen... Madras is quite uncanny!

I can't believe I've been functioning on less than 10 hours of sleep every night in spite of being out until all hours every night. Tonight has been the first night I forced myself to stay home so I could recuperate slightly before leaving to Goa tomorrow. Last night was a very wild bachelorette party for a friend and it was a full on 70s theme and her sister and Rat's sister just did a very brilliant job with the decorations... Just like the brilliant job Rat's sister did for Sista T's baby shower... Good job good job ;) And please don't miss my cool pink 70s sunnies on the bar table...





I can't believe how much fun I'm having... I really don't want it to end...

Hey, who's this handsome motherfucker... I just love him to death!



And here's my dear little Chocolate... so old and tired and slow... I really fear she's going to drop dead any second...



So hope you all had a Merry Christmas and I'll see you all in 2006... I could reflect on the year that's been and what not, but fuck that... Happy New Year!!

I'm so love in love with you...whatever you want to do is alright with me...Coz you make me feel so brand new...And I want to spend my life with you

So after all that anticipation, I’m finally here and haven’t had even a single moment to really take it all in with everything going in. It’s been brilliant so far. We started partying as soon as we got off the plane and I think I must’ve slept for about 15 hours in total from the night before I left until Sunday night. Of course now I am making up for many months of insufficient slumber and it’s incredibly peaceful.

What have I done in five days and six nights apart from drink and smoke… I’ve hung out with all my favourite girls and boys and I’ve just laughed and laughed. Some things will never change… (and thank god for those people). I’ve bonded with parents and sister and dog Chocolate met the new dog in my family Rusty… he is sooooo handsome… and such a sweetie… when we first met, he went a bit psycho, but now he’s used to me and is such a darling…



Madras is the same and so different at the same time. So many new places and buildings but instinctively I still know my way around and if I were to close my eyes on a drive and open them five minutes later, I’d still know where I was… She has taken me back so willingly in spite of me ditching her all these years…

Driving here again has been a real trip as always… the way even the slowest autorickshaw will refuse to move out of the right lane and you have no choice but to overtake rather recklessly from the left… Love it… And the noise and the traffic and the potholes and the smells… it’s just all so very real… so very home…

The rain of course has been crazy. I love it and all but it was promising to be a real dampener on the trip. Now I understand all those depressive Bay of Bengal statements… she’s been good today though so there’s hope yet.

And the absolute best part is that S is here with me and its been three years since we’ve been back together… back to where we started and where we had the absolute best time of our lives… Since we've been together, loving you forever is what I need... let me, be the one you come running to... I'll never be untrue

Anyhoo, don’t know when and where I’ll have the time to blog again. But the thing is I want to write as much as I can so I can read it three months from now and remember how awesome it was. So we’ll see…

Cheers to Rat, Sista T, Lavi, Snoop and all my other non-blogger buddies like N, S and all the boys… please continue to entertain me in the same fashion for the next four weeks… Woohoo!

Life I love you… all is groovy…

The day the music died...

Another weekend gone by and only 10 days left until the big day. The big day refers to my birthday, of course. I’m not one of those people who pretend they don’t care about their birthday and who say things like ‘oh, its no big deal’. I’m one of those people who loves birthdays, especially my own and says things like ‘oh, its my birthday, so drop everything you’re doing and come party with me’. I mean, come on, birthdays are meant to be celebrated and I’ve celebrated every single one of them like they were going out of style. Anyway, we’ll see what happens this year…

On Friday I went to the housewarming party of someone who lives on the ground floor of my apartment building. He had invited everyone in the building and since we’ve never really met any of our neighbours, we dropped in. It was mostly middle-aged to older people and a couple of young people. Shantaram became a topic of conversation as it is prone to become when a white person meets an Indian for the first time and looks for some common ground. I don’t mind… I think its great that so many of them enjoyed the book. They won’t be so biased or culture shocked if they ever visit.

At one point, the host asks me "How do you take that life-altering decision of leaving family and friends and everything familiar behind and starting out fresh in a whole new country and culture"? Fuck, good question! For me, it was never a conscious decision… it was just an undercurrent in everything I dreamed my life would be when I grew up. And when I did grow up, I couldn’t really take it all back… But when I grew up, I realised that I really loved my life in Madras and didn’t think anything could ever compare with it.

Nothing has, so far.

I remember writing something when I left three years ago, something like:

But this is everything I’ve dreamed of since age 7. So why do I wish I was 7 again and this day was still 14 years away?

So these are the choices that we make and we have to stand behind them or we would be left with nothing, no direction, no mistakes to learn from, no right to say ‘I did it’. And there are still choices, there is hope yet! I didn’t mean to get all melancholy like this. Its not that my life is shit or anything but its soooo very different to my previous life in Madras.

There I was a part of a social fabric… there was always someone to call, someone to visit, someone to smoke a cigarette with, someone to smoke a joint with, someone to have a drink in the afternoon with… there were competing priorities… education, family, partying, dogs… rushing off from a family dinner to the night’s drinking gathering… rushing off from Sunday afternoon smokes (in full stoned glory) to catch at least the latter half of Mass (and more importantly, making sure my parents saw me)… rushing off from college to give my sister a lift home, take the dog to the vet, drop the dog back home (sometimes spastically sedated, poor baby) and rush off for the day’s entertainment. Anyway, my point is, it was really quite a happening, never-a-boring-moment kind of existence and then I played the cruel joke upon myself of leaving all that behind to study here.

Now I’m sure lots of people have some really fun times in university here but it just so happened that mine was the only course on the planet that people actually did for the sake of the course itself and not for the sake of getting a stupid degree. The average age was 35 and the most scintillating conversation was about which website was more usable and which website was more community building oriented. There were some fun moments and a couple of smashed moments but mostly it was coursework, coursework and more coursework.

Work at least has been much better… I’m part of a band of merry boys and girls (average age of 23 which is just right) and we get each other through the monotony and drudgery that is corporate life by talking shit all day. And sometimes we hang out on a Friday evening but it’s pretty much a work life/personal life separation thing!

So outside of these two social avenues, there have been the people you meet somehow or the other and some of them are fun and some of them are not and some of them are fun only when drunk and some of them talk too much or don't talk at all. Well obviously, I am extremely choosy… how can I not be when my friends from school and college and Madras and even Bangalore are just some of the coolest people around! I’ve been spoiled with good company and now no one seems to meet those standards.

And as for family, well really, don’t knock ‘em. Its only when they’re not around, you realise how entertaining even they can be. And as for dogs, well I don’t want to start sobbing my heart out now, so I’ll save my dog tales for another day.

So the best thing out of all this is that S and I are as close as two people can be and have had to entertain each other for three years and we aren’t bored yet.

And I really believe that everything happens for a reason and my happening life will come back to me sometime soon.

It seems I’ve forgotten what I even started writing about. The host also asked if I felt that Australia had accepted me and I think I’ll save that can of worms for another day! Got really wasted that night with some people who came over. It was fun. Had a really lazy Saturday, got a haircut, shopped for miscellaneous items, oooh S bought me a pre-birthday gift – a pair of Levis, watched The Interpreter and Hostage on DVD – the first one was shit and the second one was ok! Yesterday I just slept and slept and slept and read a bit in between. Today I have my first gym session in about an hour and I’m really excited about it – you will be hearing much about my fitness regime in the days to come.

For me, the day I left Madras was like the day the music died. Because like American Pie was a semi-autobiographical journey from innocence to adulthood for Don Mclean, so was my life in Madras my journey from innocence into adulthood and one day it ended as all eras tend to and that was the day the music died.

A long long time ago
I can still remember how that music used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance that I could make those people dance
And maybe they’d be happy for a while

Invariably, the music that makes me smile always leads back to Madras. They have that saying ‘All roads lead to Rome’ because in those BC days, all roads did literally lead to Rome since they were the only ones building them. For me, all roads lead to Madras… what a name, what a place, what an era!

"Its all about world domination"

That’s what the chief protagonists of the game Risk kept telling me last evening when I asked what the game was about as I’d never played before. “So, what’s the game about”, I asked. “It’s all about world domination”, he replied. “So how do you play the game”, I asked. “You try and totally dominate the world”, he replied. Four hours and many defeated armies later I couldn't have put it better myself. Essentially the globe is equitably divided between all the players and you attack other territories and defend your own. And you have little infantry men standing guard on your territories and the image of these little men with their guns pointing upward are strangely chilling (especially when you’re getting ready to attack) even though you know its only a game. Although, some of us playing had difficulty remembering it was just a game… Wives annihilated husbands, friends turned on friends, Egypt declared “jihad” on North America, even my own S very seriously said to me, “If I have to get rid of you, I will… because this is war baby and there ain’t no love here”.

There was no winner… it might’ve turned into a physical fight if we’d continued to battle each other to the death on the board. We tried playing Dumb Charades after but that turned into a shouting match as well because I think we were all still smarting from our global domination efforts and the extra rowdy effect caused by all the beer. I’d forgotten how much of a hangover six bottles of beer can give you. This morning was NOT cool.

The first half of the weekend was also fun. Friday night was the usual piss-up and I met up with a few people I hadn’t seen in a while. There was some drunken Harry Potter discussion also I feel. At home, I felt the urge as I quite frequently do when drunk to call someone and I decided to honour my sister with the call this time but she had her phone switched off. And then I couldn’t stop myself from calling my Mom to find out what was up with that. I sooooo need not stop ringing my parents and/or grandparents when drunk. Surely they must know that I am heavily intoxicated.. the late hour, the slightly higher pitched voice, the extra laughing for things I normally wouldn’t laugh at, always some drunken boys in the background being loud and abusive and sometimes even singing the National Anthem… they were doing that on Friday. My parents were like what the hell is going on and I’m like they’re singing the freaking National Anthem and I have no clue why. But anyway, mostly they also just laugh and don’t bring up the drinking which is very good of them as the next morning I am always incredibly embarrassed about having called them whilst under the influence.

Something they said though just stuck with me the whole weekend. My 15 year old sister was out a friend’s house and they were on their way to pick her up and they said, “It’s almost like we’re alone now. Its like both our daughters have left home”. When I was 15 and treating my house like a hotel, my sister was always at home. But now she’s started leading her own life too and I can’t imagine how that must be for parents, to come home to an empty house all the time.

Anyway, for now, she’s still there on a part-time basis at least. Apparently she’s playing the “You let my older sister go out all the time” card quite often these days and that is such bullshit… I went out quite a bit but she still seems to be doing things a couple of years in advance and the path is just so much easier for her since I’ve done it all before. I think that after fighting with me tooth and nail about my partying lifestyle (okay, that was an exaggeration, they got over it in a few months) and seeing that nothing really happened to me, its easy for them to be mellow and more unconcerned about my sister. Still, they don’t have too much of a clue of what its really like for a teenager these days and I think that that 15 year old kid sister of mine will warrant some watching in the years to come!

Chicago, Chicago, that toddlin' town...

I still have memories of singing that in my head in 1999 when I visited the windy city for the first time… I had a wonderful time then… I seem to recall a dear journal entry from the time that read something like ‘As soon as I stepped off the train, I fell in love with Chicago’… This time was no different if only slightly colder… still very drunk getting off the tiny plane at O’Hare Airport… pancakes and lots of water laughing about last night and the weekend before… a power nap and cute Greek waiters for lunch… three blue men and a surreal experience… white wine after white wine (and that was just me, there was also Corona after Corona) and bar after bar… ending up with Martyrs and Psycho Dots… a drive home with all the people in the car falling asleep including the driver (as we learnt the next morning)… a lazy church-less Sunday morning… a Melbourne Italian meatball sub in Chicago… shopping for shoes and jeans leaving poor little psychodog in the car… what up G… oh, let’s not forget psycho new neighbour Eva… an evening spent cooking chicken curry (the dinner that kept on giving… hahaha… I laughed my ass off at that one) and playing scrabble (I lost miserably in spite of being the Barista Queen of Scrabble… remember that time in our lives girls…)… my aunt passing out at 10 pm… what do you expect after vodka, kahlua and milk (I feel ill just thinking about it)… going back in time to 1990 and 1999… the Candyman, Amahl and a wedding (there is so much I could say about that experience of mine but I won’t at this point)… oh, the times they are a changing… a train into the city again… six years later… different point of origin but the destination the same… even the Hard Rock Café hasn’t changed at all… a cab driver who hadn’t got any action in a while, the Shedd Aquarium and a friendly beluga whale who resembled an albino seal… Navy Pier, Joe’s Be-Bop Café, the freezing cold and a train ride back home (I still have the ticket stubs as souvenirs)… Moroccan takeaway and A Hard Days Night… another crazy drunken night with me myself and I (also with you me and you for quite a while)… the final day… hotdogs and the unyielding search for Levis 517… steak, white sauce and asparagus… O’Hare airport again… saying goodbye is getting so tiresome and painful… I want to live in a world where I never have to say goodbye to the people I love… that world hasn’t been invented yet, so for now its goodbye again… thank you for another awesome Chicago experience… you’re the last I’m going to see of family for a while to come… God bless and god speed!

From the Seeds

I never did really talk about the actual 50th anniversary thing of Mama and Papa... we're from the generation that will be lucky to make it to 25 years... But their generation truly rocked... Because they didn't really get to choose who they married and somehow it always worked out... I guess they made that extra effort because they believed that what God has put together, no man should put asunder... my grandparents are living testimony to that... they are traditional conservative Malayalee Roman Catholics... and yet, they've lived through so much and lived in so many different places and cultures that they've grown and evolved with the rest of the world and can quite comfortably ask their 23 year old granddaughter if she's ever had sex and talk about homosexuality with their 14 year old grandson and through all this, they've just grown closer and closer that you can never imagine a life in which they hadn't been together... I still recall various times in their lives where Papa had to travel the world on his numerous FAO projects and Mama couldn't always accompany him because of commitments to her beloved daughters and their families... I have been lucky enough to witness a few of their reunions after such gaps in their togetherness... it still brings tears to my eyes to remember them... my Mama and Papa are truly special people... as human beings, as God-fearing Catholics, as parents, as grandparents, as friends, as relatives... I feel I wouldn't be exaggerating if I said that "I've got the best grandparents in the whole world"...

There's so much more to say about them... memories of sitting between them in Papa's oh-so-cool Mercedes singing "Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens"... Papa making me leather boots for my Barbie dolls and Mama stitching them clothes... I remember this one time when my Dad was in hospital for his by-pass surgery and I chose that extremely inopportune time to fall sick myself and I felt absolutely miserable because I couldn't be near my Dad because of my propensity to spread the infection and my Mom and sister couldn't be around either because they were looking after my Dad... so it was Papa who came and took me to the doctor everyday... Papa who made me feel safe... And then when Mom fell sick and R died, I thought I was going to have an emotional breakdown... I couldn't cope on my own... The minute I heard Mama was coming, I felt so relieved... I knew that once she arrived, I wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore... she would take care of me and my Mom and sister and Dad... and she did just that... that was the last time I saw her until a few weeks ago... Mama's tears... I feel so bad when she cries and yet, I know that that's her way of telling me she loves me...

And so I had the incredible pleasure of watching them celebrate 50 years together... it was so surreal and so right... I would've given up the world to be there and I am so glad that I was there... through all the celebrations and gifts and jokes and laughter, I know that what they were most grateful for was the fact that they had all their children together again, old and young... I can hardly wait to see them again... I hope its really soon!

We just wanted to say "we love you",
But in truth, we didn't know where to start,
So we thought we'd share a few feelings,
And give you some words, straight from the heart.

Firstly, we'd like to begin by looking skywards,
And thanking those in the heavens above,
Because we know we've been blessed to have shared you,
We know that we've been blessed with your love.

You've both come a long way from Kerala, you gathered
Letters (CLRI, FAO) as you traveled the world, and
You've both been superb role models for all of us, and
As you can see, we've now got our wings truly unfurled.

You've been outstanding parents to your daughters,
And My! Just look how your mighty oak has grown,
Because you're simply unmatchable as grandparents,
We're all very grateful for the love that you've shown.

You've dedicated 16 years to raising M and M,
And we can all count on you as our pillars of
strength, and in truth, you have so many wonderful virtues,
We could go on about them (and at great length).

So, it's Chicago and Virginia, India and Australia,
See how the seeds of your mighty oak have spread,
And we're all so glad you had the good sense to get
Married, as on May 2nd 1955, "I do" were the finest words ever said.

We wanted to say "you're wonderful", in truth, we've
Never said just how wonderful you are, but if our love
For you were a distance, then it would be further than
The furthest star.

We also wanted to say Happy 50th Anniversary,
I guess that's really what these words are for,
Here's to you Mom and Dad, you're truly wonderful,
And here's to your everlasting love, for evermore.

Dedicated to every single one of you that I hung out with in the last three weeks

So here we are again... this time its goodbye for real even though its over the phone... How do I tell you all the things that I need to say... Can I make you understand how exactly you make me feel? Do you know that thinking of you always brings a smile to my face... Sometimes I remember some of the things we said and did and want to laugh so much because it was just the most fun ever... You need to know that when I am down and out, I will think of you and this short time that we had together... But even when I am happy and high on life (or more likely, alcohol) I will remember you and I know that I will want to call you straight away... Before I never could because I was a kid... But now that I've met you again I know that my phone bills are going to get astronomically high because I don't want to lose touch with you ever again... And have I told you lately that I love you... Thank you for the best three weeks of my life...

And so it ends...

I often wonder why we do this to ourselves... Are we so unhappy in our place of birth that people have to get up and leave in search of greener pastures all the time? I don't have the answers but I do know the pain of having to say goodbye as once more I leave behind the people I love... There is so much that I want to tell you before I go... I'd like you to know that I think you did a wonderful job of bringing me up even though I didn't always know it and didn't always show it...

I often wonder what my life would have been like if I had come here instead of Australia... Maybe Christmas would've meant something instead of being an excuse to get drunk, maybe the cure for Madras-sickness would've been just a short flight away, maybe the earth-shattering grief I felt at the death of my beloved H would've been eased by more than one person... Lots of maybes... There are probably many negative maybes too... So again, I don't have the answers...

What I do know is this... you mean the world to me and always have... When we are all together I feel that nothing can ever go wrong for me... I hate that I have to go back to Australia even though S is like my family there and you will continue to have me in your thoughts and prayers... It isn't enough for me... It never has been... I feel your absence there more strongly than I ever imagined I would...

So what am I left with... two absolutely wonderful weeks that ended in the blink of an eye... I know that time flies when you're having fun... I wish it wouldn't... It should fly when you are lonely and depressed... So when I am lonely and depressed I will remember this short time that we had together and even though it will make me sadder that it had to end I will be glad that I had the chance to experience it even...

The tears are rolling down my cheeks now as I realise that I will be saying goodbye to you in less than two hours... So goodbye dear family... My only hope is that it is not six years before we can all be together again...

Home again...

What a wonderful feeling it is to be welcomed home... even if the home is not necessarily the home you're used to, it is a home just the same because the people who live in it have been waiting for the day till they finally got to see you again and they welcome you with open arms and tears in their eyes... and they are tears of joy, not sadness... because something that none of you expected to happen, finally happened again through the grace of God... a family reunited again after so many years... well, still missing a couple of people, but it should be whole again soon enough...

And so there was garlanding and crowning as they welcomed the "Queen" and all you could do was laugh at their silliness but at the same time you were secretly so happy that you were getting all this attention!!

Since then, its been an absolute whirlwind of activity... catching up with Mom and Mama and R and A, fishing and playing pool and basketball with the boys, drinking margharitas and daquiris and eating fajitas and tortillas at Don Pablo's, four of us staying up late and really getting to know each other all over again... such a good feeling...

I really don't want it to end!