Wouldn't it be nice to live together in the kind of world where we belong

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But let's talk about it
Wouldn't it be nice

Dear Penny Lane

So, the other night, us Fort Knox alumni got together for our monthly poker night. The usual bottle of Jack was cracked open and beef tasting nibbles were passed around and good ol’ Fudge, he had a great treat for us… special brownies… yeah, that’s right, don’t look so surprised… talk about being baaad assss!!! Gosh, I remember how you used to smoke it in your bathroom. I’d be all fast asleep in the comfort of your bed and you’d go do your thang and then come back to bed and annoy the crap out of me. I mean, what’d a dog have to do to get some sleep around that joint? So anyway, Chocolate, Fudge and me, we were just shooting the breeze and to be completely honest, we had gotten rather giggly thanks to the brownies, when who should show up but young Ginger. I tell you, I was pretty darn shocked she had the nerve to show up after all the nasty rumours she’d been spreading about Fudge and Teddy all over Dogtown. But we didn’t turn her out because well, you know, she’s a young un’… never had anyone to show her the way really what with her arriving here so young and all and she always had a bit of a tail on her, that she did! So then she broke down with everyone glaring at her and apologised for making up all those lies and it was hard not to melt, that look in her eyes. Next thing we know, we’re all high pawing each other and look up to see Teddy shuffling in in his trademark purple coat, sunglasses and carrying his walking stick. There was a bit of an awkward moment while he took in the scene in front of him but he caught on in no time and enveloped Ginger in a warm hug. Good ol’ Teddy… you don’t live to 90 and become elected the Head of the Underground Society of Dogs Against The Adoption of Cats as Household Pets and not get wise to a few things. We don’t keep these catch ups exclusive to Fort Knox you know… we like to keep in touch with the family dogs too. So sure enough, Max and Dinky joined us and Dinky brought along that grumpy smelly sourpuss Gizmo. I know he’s family and all and that’s why we tolerate him, but really that doesn’t mean I have to like him.

By now, we’d started playing and we were well into the brownies… I’m telling you girl, it was insaaane in the membrane! I should’ve joined you when I had the chance… can you imagine me and you rolling around the bathroom floor in giggle fits!! It would’ve been da bomb. By the way, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but my vocab has gotten way better since I moved here… I know I could just about manage Woowoowoo when I was with you but these dawgs sure know how to teach a beyatch a word or two. My main man is this cat named Snoop Dogg and he has us chanting all sorts of fun stuff like bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yay…

But anyway, back to our poker night. We were playing Texas Hold ‘Em and I was doing alright… even stevens really… so were Max, Dinky and Gizmo. Ginger was down pretty bad, so were Fudge and Chocolate… Teddy was just raking it in as usual. It was a stormy night and it was coming down something fierce when suddenly the door flies open and who should run in soaking wet but Biscuit. Ginger nearly fell off her chair because he cut a most dashing figure with his dark eyes and chocolate fur, engaged in the act of shaking the water off himself. They’ve never met of course… he having lived with you in the early 90s and Ginger only in 2004. It was puppy love at first sight… I felt so very wistful watching them… god knows how different things might’ve been if Scooby from down the road hadn’t been so goddamn obnoxious… I mean, that is what attracted me to him in the beginning but towards the end it just got so tiresome our whole barking-madly-at-each-other-through-the-gate routine. I’ve heard on the grapevine that he’s taken up with a black Lab from down near the supermarket. All I can say is good luck to her.

So that’s really all the news from our end. Things might’ve gotten slightly nasty that poker night when Gizmo and Teddy faced off for all or nothing but luckily Dinky was way past his alcohol tolerance level and chose that moment to return from relieving himself, completely miscalculated where his chair was, and fell flat on his tiny bottom! We were all on the floor laughing after that. Chocolate sends her love as always. How are things going with you? How’s baby sister? How’re mama and papa Lane? Is mama Lane still sadly under the delusion she has any kind of control over the canines she lives with? Ah well, we must leave her with some hope to hold on to, harmless thing that she is. I routinely call Rusty on his mobile to tell him to give ‘er hell and sometimes text him fun ways to make mischief! And what about you then? Still missing me? I know you are. I looked at all those photos of all of us with you the other day. I don’t know if you felt my paw on your shoulder but I was there.

Oh I almost forgot to tell you… I ran into my old man Crispy on the street the other day. He is one good looking mo fo… now I know where I get my drop dead gorgeous looks from. He’s doing alright and invited me to a meal next week. I can’t wait to look at more baby pictures of myself.

And oh, oh, met up with Appachen when he visited Dogtown on a daytrip. I told him I'd be writing to you so he said a big Hi.

That’s it I guess. Write soon and I’m attaching a pic of us from the other night.

Miss you and love you as much as the day I left you.

Holly xoxoxo



Wouldn’t it be nice if they were all living it up like so? Wouldn’t it be nicer if they still remembered us? Wouldn’t it be nicest if they hadn’t had to leave us at all?

I don't quite know, how to say, how I feel

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

Those three words
I've said too much
But not enough

Oh my god, this is one of them songs… I haven’t had one of these songs for a while… you know, one of them songs you listen to over and over one night… I don’t know man, I have these songs once ever so often and then for a long time, I completely lose interest pretty much in music all together and suddenly that song comes along that brings it all back… So tonight is one of them nights, and this is one of them songs. It’s called Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol and I’ve heard it on tv/radio/in the stores for the last I don’t know how many months but never had it but tonight I’m just like, I have to have it and so I downloaded it and right now its on iTunes repeat and I guess it will be on repeat until I finish this post… and I imagine that’s gonna take a while. Unfortunately this is the same song that was the finale for Grey’s freaking Anatomy this year in Oz (oh, sorry, 2006, last year it seems) but I hate the freaking show so it hurts that I like the song so much but it’s ok, I’ll adjust for tonight…

Oh right, so first off, Happy Birthday dear friend Rael… we missed you over Christmas and New Years and I guess it’s going to be a while before you’re back again after your jettsetting global adventures… So anyway, I’m just back after many drinks at his birthday party and I thought now is a good time as any to update blog… haha, it’s taking twice as long to spell right, but anyhow…

Where the hell do I begin??? I guess I could begin with the first couple of nights that they got into town (they being Rita and Phil aka auntie and uncle but never wanting to be introduced as such)… oh man, it was the most awesome time ever… they’re the coolest people I know… on par with my baby sister and my baby cousins… and none of them are babies no more… oh god, I miss my family!!! It just went by so quick…

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

So anyhow, there was Christmas prep with the tree and presents and shit and then there was Christmas Eve where I forced everyone to stay up pretty much and so we tried to go to Crown Casino and stuff and the whole world tried to convince me not to go to Midnight Mass, but I went anyway, by myself, I might add… It was good though, I sang carols soulfully and missed my parents and sister like no tomorrow and then the next day my mom refuses to even believe I went to Church… geez, I’m a devil, but not that much of a devil that I’d lie about going to Christmas Mass… But anyway, I got home and we all wished each other and then exchanged the few hundred presents we had for each other and it was so good. I got so many cool clothes… I’ve pretty much worn all of them this whole little holiday of mine… Christmas is awesome!!!

Christmas Day was insane in its own little way… I’d had about 4 hours of sleep and then we went to this lunch where everyone was gathering at and oh my god, I drank like 3 drinks of Old Monk which was on offer and then it finished so I went back to Bacardi but basically we were all there from 1 pm until about 7 pm and who even knows what happened in between… This sweetheart was one of the highlights of my Christmas… no other dogs in my life at this point… there’s Rusty of course, but he’s so freaking far away!!!! Don’t worry though Holly, I still think of you evey fucking day… why? Why? Why were you taken away from me?

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things
Will never change for us at all

Then I had about one good night’s sleep after 5 days and Boxing Day I conscioulsy said I would not even take a sip of alcohol and I didn’t and that night we flew to Cairns and got to Port Douglas really late but it was sooooo good to be back in tropical climates… guess what, so called summer in Melbourne, it freaking hailed on Christmas Day… too depressing! The only thing I don’t miss about tropical climates is freaking lizards… gross as “pallis”… gross man, they creep the shit out of me… But anyway, we chilled on the beach, we ate some awesome meals and then we went on a tour to one of the outer reef areas… I tried scuba diving and unfortunately for me it didn’t go so well :-( The water just went fully into my nose everytime I tried so I didn’t do it eventually and went snorkelling instead and went on some strange ocean walk where they put this space type helmet on my head and I walked about 6 metres down the ocean floor and it was just quite mad… it was stupid man, I was just like, what the fuck is this shit… but I got to touch some fish… haha, don’t know if I ever wanted to touch fish… anyhow, the Great Barrier Reef is awesome… and the warm water is unbelievable… the last day we went on some Rainforest tour and went on a cable car ride a couple of thousand metres high and it was pretty fucking scary! And then we took some scenic railway and I think I saw some Aboriginals in Australia after 4.5 years finally! The trip was soooo good… I’m sooo going back and I’m so getting certified to go diving so I’ll have more time to get used to the breathing underwater crap!



Then we got back to Melbourne and had a whole other kind of trip… haha, I so don’t want to talk about it… I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… there are some trips better left unsaid!!! All I am willing to say is how much sense Penny Lane by the Beatles makes now!!! And I am sooo Penny Lane!!!



If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Then there was New Years Eve… I suppose it could be considered rather tame compared to various other years… but it was great… all our near and dear ones in this city were around us! I had a great time… one of the best moments was talking to baby sister dear when we were almost going to bed at 5:30 am and it was just her midnight then. Man, I don’t know how she’s going to grow up without me around… I don’t know if I’m a positive influence, but I’m certainly her older fucking sister and that has to count for something… well, I’m not around either way, so I just have to cross my fingers and hope for the best!

And then there was New Years Day where I walked around in a daze and we went to Mexican Margarita dinner and then we went to a drive in movie and I freaking slept and I don’t think I’ve ever slept at a movie before, drive in or otherwise, so believe me when I say I was fucking done to have done that! And then there was their last day where we went to the wildlife sanctuary and I finally got to see a freaking kangaroo after 4.5 years… I don’t quite know how to say how much it meant to be able to finally see one… and they are so freaking adorable!! And then we got fucking wasted that night and then they left :-(…

All that I am
All that I ever was
It’s here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see

I so don’t enjoy being at work right now :-( Life sucks when you nothing and no one to look forward to!!

Man, it’s 2007… we can’t even pretend to be little kids anymore even though that’s all I’ll ever be at heart… what’s up with this shit that we have to pretend to be responsible adults… and I don’t even mind being a responsible adult… but, it just sucks when your age and the year kinda dictates that you have to be one… 18 til I die baby…

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

This song makes me so sad though… I don’t quite know why… it just reminds me of a time when it wasn’t like this… of course, at the time, I wasn’t satisfied at all… all I wanted was to get away… I guess, just forget the world… but it was that same time that so many amazing things happened… I remember some days, I’m not sure what we did but I know we laughed a lot and the hours just went by so quick and we thought it was never ever going to get any better and maybe it hasn’t… and I remember some nights, the first few times we went out, we went to dinner each time and then we’d buy a quart of Old Monk rum each and get fucking wasted on that one little quart… and then we’d pick up some friends who’d we give some more quarts to, haha, and then we’d go to EC-41 and we’d both get in for free because we were cool that way… that’s a whole other story, how I got a lifetime free membership to EC-41… it’s a brilliant story, but not tonight… so then we’d be in EC-41 and most nights most everyone else was there… but there were some nights that it was pouring down rain and hardly anyone’d be there… but we were there… and we’d dance and we’d sing and we’d drink and we’d smoke and we’d laugh our asses off… so it isn’t as easy as that anymore… nobody does the same shit anymore… there isn’t the one place to go to anymore, the one place that is guaranteed to get you into a good time…

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me your garden that's bursting into life

I don’t know what’s going to become of us… I mean, at one point in your life you’re so used to having a certain group of people around all the time and then one day that just doesn’t happen no more and maybe you get a different group of people and that’s also just wonderful but what about that first group of people? How do you get them back into the groove? Because you miss them and love them like you did when you were 18-20??!! But perhaps they don’t remember it like you do, and it’s as stupid as chasing cars to them to even imagine that it could ever happen again! I’ve been having these dreams these last couple of weeks, all filled with old times and old people… such good times… and this is at a time in my life where I’m completely enjoying my current life (apart from work of course)! I don’t know, I wake up highly disturbed because I feel like something’s gone terrribly wrong in my hometown and there’s nothing I can do to make it ok. I swear, it feel so real I honestly wonder what happened that I should dream of all of them so vividly… these kinda dreams haven’t happened since the first time I left India all those years ago.

I guess right now I’m sorta just hoping for good things whenever it is I get to go back again… I mean it’s always good, everytime I go back, but sometimes it just fucking kills you… I mean, it can only kill you when you’ve been away… but it fucking kills you anyway… but I love them all… and I miss them all… and that’s my utopian dream… that they could all be here with me…

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don’t quite know how to say how I feel… I’m still listening to the stupid song and it’s daylight now so that’s freaking great… I guess I will try to just not sleep until later tonight I think cos I gotta go to work early tomorrow morning anyway… But so, I was just flipping through the few hundred photos from the last 10 days and it just has to make you smile doesn’t it… the way people look in them… so happy… maybe they were drunk at the time, and sometimes they weren’t, believe it or not… but we all look so freaking happy… and a lot of the New Years Eve ones, we’re just kinda sticking our hands up in the air with the Christmas tree in the background and lots of crazy light effects happening because the fancy ass camera wasn’t on auto focus and it’s just funny… it’s just a perfect reflection of how people feel/felt/will feel… I hope it’s a good year… for everyone I know and love… something tells me it has the potential to be… the year a lot of things change for a lot of people in a good way… we’re getting old man, and there’s no denying that! I’m no longer early 20’s, I’m mid-20’s, my boyfriend will be “late” 20’s after his birthday this year, poor guy… but it’s ok… I think we’re entering a completely new exciting phase of all our lives… Happy 2007!!!

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Me and you and a dog named Boo…

People actually read this blog it seems :-) Got a few messages of sympathy and surprisingly from a few non-bloggers as well. So I’m still sad and now I’ve been remembering more and more little things about her. I remember that time when we were renovating and she had to stay on at home in the midst of all the workers and rubble and dust for six months… she didn’t really mind… she had company… but she’d go nuts when we visited her… one time, we were still in the car with the windows down and she just leaped into the car from three feet away through the window… and after the first three months of living with aunt and grandparents, we moved into this apartment just down the road from my house… it was about 10 houses away but it was still down the road and you had to take a left… and I don’t know how, but somehow she found her way there and she’d run up the backstairs and whine at the back door until we let her in… she did this a number of times while we were living there and she always found her way there and back… cos, I’m sure she tried even when we weren’t home… she was one smart cookie and she was the most relieved when we all moved back in with her and everything got back to normal.

And this other time when I had friends over, she ran out and Holly ran out too but Holly came back and warned me and so my boyfriend (who shall hereafter be known as Mr. Moonlight (also a song by the Beatles)) and Kat went down the street in the car to get her and Kat gets out of the car and politely says to Chocolate... "Chocolate, get in the car please. Chocolate, get in the car.." and Chocolate just looks at him as if to say "Are you for real, dude..." And then Mr. Moonlight had to get out and forcibly pick her up and put her in the car. This story is not so much about Chocolate as it is about Kat but it always cracks me up.

And now I’d like to share some thoughts from my aunt and uncle on Chocolate’s passing that really made me smile.

So sorry that our friend Chocolate has left but we imagine she is having a great party with a host of her friends—Uncle Ralph, Appachen, Teddy, Dinky, John Lennon and so many more that were dear to us. Gizmo says he doesn’t like all this talk about our friends leaving as he is very hesitant to go to the other side! But he sends you a sloppy, smelly kiss and an equally smelly fart as that is how he consoles himself in times of sadness (ask Mama, she will tell you all about him).

And from Uncle Phil…

As Rita says, Gizmo is hesitant to cross over to the other side—but he definitely has one paw in the grave. Teddy keeps coming to him in his dreams, bringing messages from the other world. Sometimes they are cryptic—like the one where Teddy was wearing a astronaut suit and carrying a case of beer—but others are more direct, like when he told Gizmo that Dinky recently persuaded Uncle Lon’s big red dog to join him in chasing celestial butterflies. So Uncle Lon — almost always accompanied by his trusty dog—went looking for his furry pal. He was supposed to usher our Uncle Ralph to the Uncle’s Banquet (Teddy said they serve every uncle’s favorite dish—every time—and the food is heavenly at that), but the two uncles went looking for that big red dog together instead. By the time they caught up with the red dog, they had to settle for some chaat and hot dogs on the roadside (but even roadside fare is divine where they are.)

Anyway, Gizmo suspected something was up with Chocolate, as Holly told Teddy to hold all of her calls as a new guest had arrived.

That’s all Gizmo told me. Then he fell asleep and is dreaming now as I type this.

They’re mad… they’re coming to visit me in December… I can’t wait. Oh, and Uncle Ralph was Phil’s uncle who passed away recently and Uncle Lon is a family friend uncle they met when they were visiting India and apparently he had a big red Irish Setter he was very attached to but I have absolutely no recollection of this dog. Anyway, both Uncle Lon and the big red dog also passed away some years ago. Dinky was Rita’s dog and Gizmo’s best friend and Teddy was my first dog who died a few years ago. Gizmo is the only one still soldiering on… he must be at least 13 years old and he can’t be left alone and he goes to doggy daycare when they’re at work. He was even in therapy for a while… he has a lot of issues… he’s taken the skin off my nose whenever I visited him and annoyed him… and he hated my sister… haha…

This is Gizmo. He looks dead, but he’s not.



P.S. I was going to title the post something else and then this song played on Party Shuffle... Celestial forces at play courtesy Teddy??… I’d like to think so.

Little wild one, I’ll come back to you

Chocolate has died… she passed away quietly on Saturday morning… she was 10 years old… she was the most loyal dog a family could have… she loved us all as we loved her… she watched as we welcomed dogs to the family and she watched as their time was up before her… now she gets to join them all in doggy heaven…

Dearest Chocolate

You were my best friend for all the years you were with me… I was in madly in love with you to begin with… you entered my life at a time I really needed you… you were funny and naughty and mad and that’s why I called you my little wild one… do you remember me singing that to you all the time… surprisingly, after we welcomed a little puppy who was even naughtier than you, you seemed to realise your frolicking days were up and it was time you tried to set an example for the new brat… so you became the mature, obedient one… you came when we called… you got up quietly and went out when we told you to go outside… and you always welcomed us with a smile and a cold nose touch when you saw us… even until recently when it became so painful for you to get up and walk… you taught me a lot about love and commitment and responsibility… I’m going to feel very sad when I get home and you’re not there to greet me… you always knew, every time I came back on a holiday, you were so glad I was so back… you remembered me so well… you remembered me as the one you loved the most who’d seemingly gone away one day… you remembered me because of your unfailing devotion to me… dear little Chocolate… I hope you have been reunited with all the others from the family… are you with Fudge and Teddy and Biscuit and Snoopy and Dinky and Jeanie and Max and Ginger… I bet Holly led the welcome wagon because she loved you as much as we loved you… there will always be an empty space in Fort Knox because no one can ever replace what you meant to us all… Goodbye dear Chocolate and please continue to take care of us from above…

I keep waiting for it to hit me… when I first heard she was sick a week ago and realised she was going to die soon, I sobbed my heart out. When I found out that she had gone, I shed a tear and that was it… I just felt so sad, like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders… and anything I see on TV about chocolate reminds me of her and makes me sadder but I still can’t cry… when Holly died I cried bucket loads for weeks and I can conjure up the tears for her even now… why can’t I cry for Chocolate? Because my love for her is a much deeper, steadier love… the grief is mingled with relief that her suffering was ended… so now, I just feel a huge emptiness when I think of her… and returning to my home will never be the same without her sweet loyal face at the gate as a welcome… Goodbye dear Chocolate… you will always be my little wild one and one day I’ll come back to you, I promise.

Here are all the pictures I could find of her online... Most of my pictures of her are pre-digital era...

Here she is 3-4 years ago with her good friend Holly... she was still smiling then and she was healthy and strong



Here she is play fighting with Rusty last December in a rare display of energy. Well, the energy was all from Rusty's end really... all she did was growl menacingly at him... and you'll notice Rusty all set to spring... he never got beyond getting set because he took her quite seriously and knew she wouldn't take him jumping her...



There's the growl... watch it, young punk... I've been there, done that...



This was her favourite rug to lie on downstairs in the washbasin area...



She never lost her appetite... This is a piece we call "Dog & The Bone"



She used to feel cold in her old age at nights... I bought her that dog sweater as a joke gift ages ago never thinking she'd actually need to use it :) This was her other favourite spot... on the warm rug outside my parent's bedroom. Of course her most favourite spot was my bed but for the last couple of years, she had all kinds of sores on her body so it wasn't hygienic for her to sleep in the same bed as humans, poor baby.



This is my favourite most recent picture of her... how sweetly she stretches...



Also, one year ago, my Appachen passed away on this day. We still miss you and think of you everyday. Rest in peace, Appachen & Chocolate...

Can I get a Woop Woop Can I get a Woop Woop? Single ladies, I can’t hear ya’ll!!

I cannot get the freaking song out of my head. It’s my own freaking fault of course.

Do you sometimes remember things you’ve said or done and want to die laughing?

So thanks to Saturday night, I will never listen to this song again without blushing prettily and smiling embarrassedly… except when next I’m drunk of course… cos that next time with the right crowd and the right mood, this is an encore just waiting to happen! It’s a dangerous trend though… no one can shut me up with singing, but now is it also impossible to stop me dancing?

Its true that I think of her all the time… she still puts in an appearance in dreams of green lawns and white picket fences… and I still get teary-eyed talking about her… but I still want to tell her story to anyone who will listen… Holly in the Sky with Diamonds… the dog with kaleidoscope eyes :)

I used to think of myself as the girl with kaleidoscope eyes… but what does it even mean? Colours and shapes in a different pattern every time I open my eyes? Never see the same thing twice… makes for an interesting life… or not… I don’t know… I can’t express my thoughts clearly sometimes… And sometimes I get bored with trying to express my thoughts… like now… so let’s just drop it!

There was this song that came out last year or maybe the year before. It was the old Linkin Park Numb with Jay-Z’s Encore and I was pre-biased against it because this was a particularly strong anti-R&B phase of mine. I say R&B because I have nothing against hip-hop and even enjoy it sometimes. But these excuses from such “R&B” artists as Nelly and Akon and even Snoop fucking Dogg (I just don’t get Drop It Like It’s Hot) make me physically ill almost. I’m sure The Beatles make a lot of people feel the same way so to each his own and all that! But anyway, this song did grow on me and finally came that drunken night where I insisted on playing it every 5 minutes and memorising as much of it as I could… the Jay-Z parts were hard. I think Jay-Z is a cool rapper.

So what was my point? There wasn’t one… I just felt like talking about the song. And I guess it would be funny if anyone ever saw the three of us singing it. I even looked for it at karaoke that last time… of course it wasn’t there. When we go our separate ways (which is coming up quite soon, really), we have to do a night of just the three of us at home, singing Numb between cigarette breaks on the balcony.

So who is responsible for those karaoke lists? I understand popular singable songs and all but how does that excuse only five Beatles songs on the list? I didn’t even check for Pink Floyd… actually when I’m 100 drinks down like I was that karaoke night, I’ll sing anything. And I did. They sang Madonna’s Like A Prayer and they sang Michael Jackson’s The Way You Make Me Feel and of course, I sang (whilst cringing)… my sing-every-single-time-I-have-a-mic-in-front-of-me song is I Will Survive and so of course I sang that… but the best was in the final 10 minutes of having the room with everyone fighting over songs and the mic, someone reminded me about Bohemian Rhapsody and I just kicked everyone out of the way to sing it. I might have to revise my sing-every-single-time-I-have-a-mic-in-front-of-me song to it… but then again, I don’t think so. I’ll make it my sing-every-second-time-I-have-a-mic-in-front-of-me song!

Sometimes I write for the sake of writing. Do you ever go back to something you wrote a year ago and cringe? I do it all the freaking time. Why is it that something that seemed so profound and/or entertaining then seems so pompous and/or juvenile now? I don’t know…

I love this latest trend of remixing old disco/80’s songs… they sound awesome… and they bring together the tastes of so many more people. They did a brilliant job with Owner of a Lonely Heart (and the video simply rocked, it was so cute) last year and my current favourite is Thunder in my Heart! And then there’s the whole clubby reggae business which also rocks… how brilliant was Love Generation and his new song isn’t too bad either!

Wow, can this really be true? Can I actually enjoy the music of today? I don’t think this has happened since my boy band phase in high school (and let’s not pretend we didn’t all have one)!! And it’s strange how those clubbing songs from the late nineties and early noughties (that is what they are calling this decade FYI) didn’t affect me then the way they do now. Then they were like background music in a way… a backdrop to much more interesting events such as wild beach house parties and meeting old and new people at discos. Now I actually listen to these songs just for the fun of it… and a couple of years ago a whole bunch of them were compiled into CDs called Wild Gold… the irony that those songs are considered “classic” club music never fails to amuse me. I love them though… one of the advantages of having house parties in Australia… we never get as fancy as having DJs so we get to pick and play… and we play Wild Gold a LOT!! And now I will be adding Fat Man Scoop to the playlist… haha!

It’s nice that I’m listening to music again… I go through phases where I just don’t… I didn’t touch my iPod for about five months this year. But now its back… and it certainly helps me write…

Here’s hoping the music never lets me go!

Welcome To My Life

Sit back and relax folks… we have a hell of a lot to cover. I was tagged by The Lil’ Le Poutski and then Rat went and exposed her whole work area so I’ve decided to combine everything and expose it all.

Let’s begin with my bag… that storage device that I cant seem to get away from. I am a creature of habit and can’t be bothered moving all my stuff from bag to bag so I pretty much use the same bag for the working work and it’s an enormous pain in the ass to move stuff to my smaller bags on the weekends. Such trials, I tell you…



Anyway, the bag itself was one of the items one of my aunts bought me in May when I was in the US (as an aside, its great meeting up with aunts/grandparents who try to make up for years of no birthday and Christmas presents in two weeks). I really like the bag and the design reminds me of decorative icing on a cake.

In my bag, I carry (sounds like one of those memory games)…

A cell phone carry case that my Mom brought me from India. I keep my cell phone in it while its in the bag so it doesn’t get scratched. I don’t care that much about my cell phone, but have to use the cell phone carry case no?

My camera in its carry case. Damn, why does everything have a freaking case? I bought a really cool 7.2 mega pixel Sony Cybershot in May and I carry it with me everyday for no real reason. Digital cameras are not that bad, I guess. I stuck on to my 10 year old film camera for so long because nothing beats holding photos in your hand. So now I’ll just spend shitloads of money on printing my digital ones.

One Nine West wallet

The book I am currently reading because otherwise I would go mad with boredom on my 10 minutes to and from work on the tram. Its Salman Rushdie’s Haroun and the Sea of Stories. Its really quite funny and magical and I am enjoying it immensely – not as dark and intense as his other ones.

One pack of Wrigley’s Wild Berry Extra drops. Did you know that after eating, the pH level in your mouth drops considerably and allows cavity causing bacteria to attack? Wrigley’s Extra drops helps to restore the pH balance in your mouth so you can have strong teeth and healthy gums (fyi – straight from the pack). They are really yum and I am quite addicted!

My way cool CK sunnies (and their case;)) which S bought me last December. Before that I had a pair of Ray Bans for about 3 years and they were horribly disfigured towards the end.

Free sample of some vague perfume that I keep for fun

Lipstick and eye pencil for touch ups that I never touch up

Parker pen

One work security pass

One apartment building security pass (what a secure nation I live in)

House keys (2 nos., I told you they were dead serious about this security stuff) and a spare work key if the security pass doesn’t work for whatever absurd reason

Pack of tissues and some vague medicine

Some earrings that I’ve forgotten to take out of the bag at some point

A picture of Jesus Christ with a prayer on the back. I have one of these in every single bag I own because they’re always distributing them in front of Church or the railway station and I feel very bad to throw them away.

One electronic key that has my gym program on it, but more on new gym and peripherals later.

One compact little umbrella (in matching case) that came with the bag and for that I am very grateful because my other umbrella is this big-ass-cover-5-people kind of BMW Williams umbrella that S bought me at Formula 1 time last year when I loooved BMW Williams for Montoya and Ralf. This year I am not supporting any team, its been more of an anti-Ferrari thing and its working also. But more on Formula 1 at the end of the season.

And that concludes the tour of my beautiful earth-toned cavernous bag. Moving on to my wallet…



I have a grand total of $37 and 70 cents. Normally I only have 70 cents but for some reason I’m carrying quite a bit of liquid cash this week. Did you know that Australian notes are plastic and can’t really be torn unless you are fully determined to tear them? And yes, that is England’s Queen Elizabeth on the $5 note… Australia might as well still be a colony of England… we have a public holiday for Her Highness’s birthday and all (not that I’m complaining).

3 ANZ ATM cards… I’m only meant to have 2 and another is in the mail… the bank has been totally screwing with my life for the past month or so.

Artfully covering the ATM cards is my Sub Club Appreciation card. Two more stickers and I get a FREE 12 inch sub from Subway – the Fresh Food People. How fucking cool am I?

My National Bank credit card (which I never use) and my Virgin credit card (which I use too much).

Artfully covering the credit cards is my bloody expensive monthly Metcard.

Some other miscellaneous cards are my Indian driver’s licence which is actually my only form of ID since I don’t carry my passport around the place. I really need to get an Australian one.

We also have my 2003 student card which I am unable to let go of, my government sponsored Medicare health insurance card, a Rent Card if I wanted to pay my rent at the post office, a brand spanking new Port Phillip library card (what was I thinking spending hundreds of dollars on books every couple of months), and an Essential Beauty Club card which makes me an exclusive member of the place I get my eyebrows done at and quite frankly I had forgotten I even had such a card till I looked at it yesterday.

A Bar Secrets card of a bar called Cherry. Bar Secrets is those pack of card type things with a different bar on each card and the bloody things cannot be used as playing cards which I find slightly ridiculous. Anyway, this was in my wallet for a long time because one drunken night I think we meant to go here but eventually didn’t.

Some miscellaneous business cards and notes on my bank a/c details, tax file no., etc.

One bill (I don’t keep receipts unless there is a chance I might need to return something) and one company Cab charge. Again I had forgotten I had this cab charge, so one company sponsored ride home coming up.

One American dollar bill which I keep for sentimental reasons. I only started using this wallet a few months ago and before that I was using a wallet sent by my grandmother a few years ago and she sent the $1 bill in it and I’m still holding on to it.

And finally, a couple of photographs… my family portrait taken six years ago… this is the first thing I see when I open it and if I change wallets, my new one will also need a space for me to keep this photo. Behind the family one, I have two passport photos of S and one of Rat (yes, she’s the red one). When I left India, I asked people to give me their passport pix so I could keep in my wallet and I think she was the only one who had one.

So that’s that. Now a quick view of what I see as soon as I open my eyes every morning…



My bookcase is a total mess and slightly overflowing and I’ve resorted to piling them up beside my bed. I really need a new one.

My slightly large perfume collection – I was obsessed with perfume some years ago and collected them like mad.

My beautiful ancient TV that keeps me entertained when I’m too lazy to sit outside. Please do not miss the measures we’ve resorted to with the equally ancient and broken antenna. Neighbours is currently playing on TV if anyone cares.

My trusty heater that is never far from my side and my trusty alarm clock that never gives me (or anyone else who lives with me) a moment of peace in the mornings.

The Ferrari flag hanging on the wall is NOT mine. I don’t know why I tolerate it.

I like to surround myself with photographs of the people (and dogs) I love and there are quite a few more in other parts of the room/house.

And finally, my space at work… the place I spend most of my waking hours at… hours that would be infinitely more pleasurable spent sleeping, reading or smoking up…



My LCD monitor with my beloved dogs as the wallpaper. Well, dear Holly is no more of course but dear Chocolate is still alive and kicking. I have a post-it note with my name stuck to my monitor because my dear friend M gets kicks out of writing our names beautifully on post-it notes.

Precariously sitting on the top of my monitor is a family of Russian dolls. These are those cool dolls that fit inside the other – so you open the father and pop the mother in and you should’ve already popped all the kids inside the mother. I get immense amounts of amusement from these Russian dolls that I stole from my friend Sh who sits across from me. Also sitting there is a taxi. Everyone in the company got a different type of Matchbox car at some ‘Where are we going as a company’ type meeting. I can’t really remember what the car signified so you can tell I am a highly inspired employee.

You can also see my (well ok, the company’s) IBM T-41 laptop in its my docking station and my (these are really mine) TDK headphones that I listen to my beloved iTunes with, and my (the company’s again) cool Cisco Voice over IP phone.

My cell phone (Nokia 6610i) sits on an ugly dolphin cell phone stand that my friend Sh stole from some Christmas hamper and gave to me.

Many folders and papers and files to make it seem I work very hard and various mugs and stationery items and tissue paper.

Finally, just behind the Cisco phone, you can see a cheery Christmas stuffed dog that Sh gave me as a Christmas present last year. On that same day, we had our department Christmas party and went on this boat cruise and had the traditional Kris Kringle exchange and my Kris Kringle also gave me an identical cheery Christmas stuffed dog and so this second dog got a bit high on the boat cruise and accompanied us to a pub after the cruise and was pictured taking sips of people’s beer. So basically we decided they were twins and while Sober works hard all day in the office, Shitfaced leads a party life in my house (they were named after a set of shot glasses I have… the four stages of drinking… Sober, Drunk, Pissed and Shitfaced)!

With those pearls of wisdom I will leave you. This was really fun by the way and I’m sorry it was so long… there’s just so much to tell!

A Day in the Life...

Firstly, thank you all so much... for the comments, the emails and the overall moral support and sympathy. With many of you, I don't even know your real names and it's really very touching to feel your sympathy and compassion across the bits and bytes in such a manner. And Rat and I were chatting on MSN yesterday and she said Appachen is slightly famous in blogworld now. I think he would've liked that :) So anyway, there ended an era...

I played hooky from work today. I wasn't really planning on it and I was even awake at 9:00 in the morning but something inside just cried for some time for myself. Time to think, time to be alone, time to mourn, time to just run errands that I'm always too hungover to run on the weekends...

So I called in sick and spent a rather luxurious morning on the couch watching Ferris Bueller's Day Off on my day off. Believe it or not, I've never watched that teenage classic before. How fucking cute is Matthew Broderick in it? When he was lip synching Twist & Shout at the parade (such a cute scene), I wished I had watched the movie in high school so I could've had a terriby desperate school girl's crush on him. Ah well...

After lunch (Nutella sandwiches) and a shower, I set off for a jaunt around the city. What I miss most about student life is walking around the city in the daytime. Of course, then, I had no money so I could only walk and look. And of course, now, I have no time to do anything. Today was a glorious winter's day. Bright sunshine and no wind, so just the tiniest little nip in the air and really a very pleasant day to walk about in. So I ran a couple of errands and then proceeded to the optometrist for a checkup. God has blessed me with the constitution of an ox but when it comes to my teeth and my eyes, He has always played a rather cruel game with me. Admittedly, I didn't help the situation much by eating chocolate all the time and not brushing twice a day or reading by candlelight when the power went out and never touching carrots, but still... So anyway, visits to the dentist and optometrist are always dreaded although my last visit to the dentist was pretty non-eventful very surprisingly. So anyway, I wear contact lenses and my eyes have been bothering me for a while now... a general irritation and soreness... and after putting my eyes through much torture (this includes those bloody alphabet tests, I HATE THEM, I'm always certain to fail the tiniest letters test) the optometrist says "You're not going to like me" and I'm thinking uh oh and ask "Why" and he's like "You need to stop wearing your lenses for a while. You have a Conjunctivitis allergy". So, I have to wear my horrible glasses continuously for a week or so. I haven't done that since age 14. My glasses don't look horrible but after wearing lenses all the time, going back to wearing glasses is so fucking uncomfortable. And what about when it rains? What then, HUH?? Ok, I'll stop throwing a tantrum like a small child now!

After the depressing visit to the optometrist and wearing my GLASSES instead of my sunglasses, I set off to get my eyebrows done. My regular place was booked out and I tried this tiny Wax & Nail place and the lady said all the professionals were busy so if I wouldn't mind getting it done by a student... I was slightly hesitant but really wanted to get them done so went ahead. So I lay on the bed and closed my eyes and heard much muttering in a foreign language from the two petite Asian "students" attending to my eyebrows. I was rather concerned that it was all going to go horribly wrong but by this point there was nothing I could do. On the whole, it turned out ok. Certainly could've done with more shaping but at least I still have two of them in reasonable shape.

Then I ate an ice-cream (Baskin Robbins Triple Choc... as I am also on weight loss mentality, shouldn't have but what the hell) and spent some time messaging this lazy Rat who informed me that she had taken sickie due to hangover. Tsk tsk... I wish I could've also taken sickie for such a fun reason!

Finally I went into Borders to buy some more books (also on the agenda for today was to join a library but didn't have time in the end)... I'm currently going through books at a highly frantic pace and really need to join a library to curb the spending on books. But I tell you, going into a bookstore for me is like a kid in a candy store or my boyfriend in an electronics store or car accessories store. And always I wish I could just take over the whole store. Oooh, I think maybe one day I should run a bookstore... it will make me very happy! Today I purchased a 4 book compilation of Agatha Christie Hercule Poirot mysteries.

Oh, also dashed into Church real quick. Outstanding Catholic (Catholic who never goes inside Church and always stands outside, joke from some jobless uncles of mine) that I am, its been a really long time and I felt the need as I frequently do when it's been more than a couple of months and also the need to pray for the departed soul of my grandfather and all that. The Church has installed these automatic doors and I was rather alarmed when they swung open almost in my face with a great loud creak... I totally missed the signs that said 'Automatic Doors opening outwards. Stay clear'! Anyway, they proved to be highly distracting with that loud creak even when you were inside the Church.

So now I am home again. Been chatting with Lavi who is making me all homesick for such items as roti and mattar paneer. All I have for dinner is puff pastry which serves as roti when made on the tawa and some rather suspect Dum Murgh I made last night. Well, Dum Murgh is what Sanjeev Kapoor calls it... he is my latest recipe book man... it is really just a glorified chicken curry and actually its not all that bad. Anyway, all this talk of food has made me rather hungry. The rest of my day will involve eating leftovers, watching the season finale of Lost and oooh, almost forgot, I need to pack. I'm heading off to the mountains tomorrow for a ski/snowboard weekend, not that I've ever attempted either. Been to the snow once before though... was quite a chill experience (pun intended)!! And on Monday I go to Sydney on work so I hope to be back in blogworld by Tuesday at the latest ;)

In Mourning

My grandfather passed away last night. This is the first close member of my family that I am losing and I feel so bad about the fact that I wasn’t able to be there for him at the end. I was always his favourite grandchild too… because I was the eldest, and I was a girl, and in his eyes I was the most beautiful child he’d ever seen, and I was pretty smart too. He had such dreams of throwing me this fabulous wedding when he got me married to some highly successful, extremely handsome Malayalee Catholic boy (if such a person exists). I dispelled him of that notion pretty early on but he still clung on to the hope that one day I would have a complete change of heart. Finally the last time I saw him he had even given up on that dream. He didn’t care if I married a Hindu or a Muslim or a Sindhi or a Marwadi. All he wanted was for me to get married before he passed on. So essentially I didn’t grant him his last wish. A part of me will always feel terribly guilty about that even though I always said to him that its my life and my choice.

He was such a nice man, even such a fun man. Always thinking about where he would take his family on their next summer holiday together. He loved his whiskey (the size of his drinks always put me to shame) and he loved his horse racing and anyone’s birthday or special occasion was excuse enough for him to throw a big party. Once he invited S over for a chat (more to interrogate him on his intentions with his “innocent” granddaughter, I feel) and he fixed him two drinks at the size he normally drinks and S got soooo smashed. It was hilarious, for me that is. S was just dying at how high he was. Many of my friends also knew him, have hung out with him, stayed over at his house when I was staying there, came along to their Christmas parties. Dear Rat even went to the hospital last week to visit my grandmother and parents and I was very touched that she did that. She’s been on two holidays with my family so she knows them pretty well.

And this other thing I will never forget and always brings such a smile to my face… I (and the other grandkids) call (or should I say, called, so depressing) this grandfather Appachen, which is a Malayalee word for grandfather, and everyone else calls him Dad or Uncle or whatever. At one of his birthdays, S and J and Snoop came along to the party and when it was time to cut the cake, everyone sang and you could hear one voice louder than the others singing quite happily “Happy Birthday Appachen”… it was Snoop of course… quite naturally, he was also calling him Appachen. Appachen of course was like, who is this new grandchild who came out of nowhere.

He was old and weak and he lived a good life. I can understand that he had to pass on but that doesn’t make it any easier, especially for my grandmother who spent 55 years of her life with him. And then, there are his three sons and daughters-in-law and five grandchildren who were all so fond of him. And it wasn’t just his immediate family. He was such a role model and surrogate dad to so many other people in the extended family.

I could ramble on for ages about him and the things he did and how much he meant to me and so many other people, but I think I’ll stop now.

I can’t be there at the funeral so I’ve asked my sister to read out the following letter I wrote last night as soon as I heard the news. I know that he will be listening.

Dearest Appachen

There are so many things I’m sorry about. I’m sorry I never got the chance to say goodbye properly. I’m sorry I didn’t spend more time with you, especially in the last three years I’ve been away. I’m sorry I didn’t get married in your lifetime which was one of the strongest wishes you had. But there are so many things I’m grateful for… so many memories of having you in my life for the last 24 years.

I watched as people around you always showed you the greatest of respect and how you always helped those around you and those less fortunate than you. I listened as you called your wife of many years Darling, and told us tiny tots that family, religion and tradition were things we should always hold close to our hearts. I cried when you spoke of your dead mother with tears in your eyes and told of how much you missed her. I hope you are together again now.

Little things I remember. The little things you did for your grandkids… when I was a kid, I loved Pepsi and you always made sure there was a full crate for my consumption when I came over. Car rides and horse rides and boat rides, books and movies and restaurants… anything to keep us entertained. I loved green bananas and grapes so you’d make sure there were green bananas and grapes when I came over. Anything our parents said no to, we always had a backup plan in you and you never had the heart to say no to us.

You laughed at my precociousness and told me to reach for the stars and you were always so very proud whenever I achieved anything.

I remember a day when you quite patiently took me from bank to bank to get things notarised (I think there were 15 banks in total) all for the sake of helping me get my visa. I remember thinking that day that there was no one else who would’ve done all that without getting at least slightly irritated and losing their temper at least once at the heat or the waiting or the traffic or anything like that. That was one of the happiest days I spent with you in the recent past.

And always I remember the look of joy on your face whenever you welcomed me back home and even whenever you casually saw me for lunch or dinner or just to say Hello. And the way you cried every time you said goodbye… you were always so afraid that you wouldn’t get the chance to see me again. The last time I said goodbye to you was in October last year and you made such an effort to wake up early and see me off at the unearthly hour at which I was leaving. And I remember the hug you gave me through the bars at the airport and your grip was so very tight and you cried and I think maybe you knew you wouldn’t see me again and I remember hoping that it wasn’t the last time I saw you and how we would laugh again together when I saw you this year. It was never to be.

It still hasn’t sunk in really, that you are no longer around. I suppose it won’t fully until I come home to Madras and realise that you are really not there. Because you are such a part of what home and Madras means to me and now a part of my home will be missing. But you must know that you will live on in our minds and spirits and memories. Whenever I eat a good meal or have a sip of fine whiskey or attend a good party, I will raise my glass in memory of you. Because even though you were old and diabetic and should’ve been taking more care of what you ate and drank, when Amana and I chastened you about it, you said that your weaknesses were good food, fine whiskey and a good party. And that’s how I’ll always remember you… as someone who lived his life to the fullest and who didn’t waste any time in being worried about things not worth worrying about.

I will miss you terribly and think of you everyday. Goodbye dearest Appachen. I know you will be keeping an eye on us from afar and I’m pretty sure there’s some good horse racing and fine whiskey to enjoy up there until we all join you.

Love always,

Your oldest granddaughter

In Memory...

I'm just sitting here trying to imagine what you might've been upto today... You might've gotten your degree from Loyola College and like so many others, tried your luck in another country... or maybe, like many others, you'd have stayed behind in Madras and might still be throwing wild parties at your house or beachhouse... Either way, I know that you'd still be a part of my life... It's kinda silly for me to try and imagine what you might have been upto... You should be living these things for yourself... It really shits me that you can't!! You should know though that I have such awesome memories of hanging out with you... that infamous summer of '99, that time when we hung at your beachhouse every single weekend, the tennis matches at your house (I haven't forgotten the juice-mobile), playing pool and taking vodka shots, dancing at EC-41, talking on the phone and hanging out in your room (I will never forget the time you made me listen in on a conversation I was never meant to listen in on... hahaha, it was hilarious though... thank you for that one)!! So, you're the stuff that legends are made of... it's been five years... fuck the legends... I wish you were here!!

In Memory of the Most Lovable Dog that Ever Lived

Darling H... its been more than a year now since you were taken from me. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you or see your adorable face or miss you terribly. And when I dream about you... I think that hits me the most... because in my dreams, you're alive and we're together and we're hanging out just the way we used to, and then I wake up and I'm filled with such an ache at the realisation that it was just a dream, and you are still dead, and I am still alone.

Oh H, I still don't understand why it had to happen. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. You weren't even meant to be mine. You were meant to be A's special pet. You were my Christmas gift to her. And that's why we named you H. And then you sneaked into my heart and I was willing to give up the world for you (in your case, that meant the best seats in the house and waking up at the crack of dawn to let you out to pee). Not that A didn't love you as much. But you and me, we had a special bond. Because I spoilt you like there was no tomorrow and A was a bit more impatient and intolerant of your mad behaviour.

Hahaha... your mad behaviour... you were the naughtiest dog ever. I remember your bravado on your first day in your new home, running out in excitement and then turning right on your heel and smashing into the wall at the first sight of your sister C. Yeah, how you abused her once you grew slightly tall. And your second day, when I came to say goodbye to you on my way to college, that's the first time you spoke and I thought it was so strange and then it became such a part of you that today people think I'm crazy when I say that you spoke to people.

Remember when you sat on your A's head - I was so drunk, all I could do was laugh. And remember when you massacred her entire Barbie collection. That was one of the funniest sights of my life... heads, arms, legs, all over the place. Boy, was she mad!!

I remember the first time you saw yourself in the mirror... you nearly broke the mirror in all the excitement.

And that time at C's birthday party when that tiny little terror M scared the hell out of you who was thrice her size... and all you wanted to do was play, you poor little thing.

How about the day when you ate at least 20 individually wrapped heart-shaped chocolate biscuits that Dad had bought me for Valentine's Day and all that was left over were miniscule little bits of red foil... how sick were you that day... served you right, you greedy thing!!

I'll never forget your presence of mind that night when you and C somehow ran out of the gate and nobody realised because we were busy getting drunk and then you come back and start talking real loudly and imagine my shock when I see that you're outside the gate and you had come back just to warn me that C was outside trying to get it on with some rather unsavoury neighbourhood dogs. You probably saved C from getting rabies that night H. I know you loved her to death inspite of the way you treated her.

I loved how you let Mom and S know exactly how you felt everytime they had to do the dirty work of tying you up or sending you out of the house. Your barking could've brought down the roof on those occasions. And when Mom slapped us in mock anger, you would let her know in no uncertain terms that she would have you to answer to if she ever hurt A or me.

What cruel tricks A and I used to play on you... We only did it because we loved you and we loved how you talked back and we loved how easy it was to trick you... Our favourite was calling your name on speaker phone... that really spooked you out... as did the balloon that made noise when the air was let out. My poor baby...

But you used to play a game with me too, every single morning... you'd paw me until I woke up at the unearthly hour that you used to like waking up, and then we'd walk to the ramp and the house would be dead silent, so you'd refuse to move unless I walked with you... And then you'd just settle yourself on the rug outside Mom and Dad's room and refuse to budge even after I'd opened the front door for you... And you knew I couldn't leave you there and go back to bed... the house would be in a shambles by the time everyone was up... So, I'd have to pretend to go to sleep on the diwan in the living room, and only then would you rise and run down the stairs and go outside... you were so strange H... but I loved every minute of living with you.

And you were a bit of a flirt weren't you... Mom, A and me got a bit boring to you after a couple of hours of hanging with you, but you always had a moment to chat with Dad anytime he said anything to you. And you would never rise for any of the women in the house, but as soon as Dad called you over to talk to you, you'd jump up and race to him, as if he might change his mind. He had a soft spot for you H... we all did... it was impossible not to love you.

Oh H, I miss your mad behaviour, and your sloppy kisses, and your fur that was softer than a baby's bottom, and your eyes that made me melt everytime I looked at you, and your voice, and your lethal lethal tail with which you knocked over people and things alike... Now, I just surround myself with images of you so that you are always close to me... your picture on the dressing table is the first thing I see in the morning after I've showered... I look at your picture on my phone at the tramstop... I switch on my computer at work, and there you are again as my wallpaper... I go home and get dinner started and you're looking at me from the fridge... you're even my MSN photo on MSN Instant Messenger... but it isn't enough, and it will never be enough... because you will never come back. I only hope that one day we can meet again... maybe there are day trips to dog heaven or something from human heaven (let's hope I do go to human heaven)... And until then, please know that you meant the world to me, and I lost a part of me when you died, and I will never ever be able to replace you... And of course, stay out of trouble in dog heaven and be the most lovable dog that ever died (which I know you will be)...