'Cause I'm just a girl, little ol' me, Don't let me out of your sight...I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite, So don't let me have any rights...

I sometimes feel that for someone who doesn’t know me except through my blog, they probably wonder a little at my seemingly endless alcohol capacity and they probably even think I’m somewhat of a ditzy blonde type character what with only writing about partying on my blog. So I am now going to try and dispel all these notions by telling you more about myself and the things I love slightly more than Bacardi Rum… only slightly, mind ;-)

I love my significant other, mind, body and soul. You would think we’d be mildly bored after 7.5 years (getting quite close to 8) but honestly, without wanting to get all sentimental and mushy, it’s even better than when we first started out because now we know who we really are and how we fit together whereas then we were such clueless kids stumbling our way through the sweltering Madras social scene and those first couple of cold, lonely Melbourne years. Now, the 7 year itch has well and truly passed and each day is better than the next!!

I love my baby sister and she is the only person so far I would willingly take a bullet for!

I love my parents and all of my immediate family in spite (or maybe because) of their exasperating ways

I heart Labradors (and ok, most dogs)… again this is mind, body and soul. One despondent look (particularly from Labs) and I am a slushy pile of putty for them to do with me what they will. I love and miss Holly and Chocolate and Fudge and Biscuit and Ginger and Teddy and Rusty and Tipsy and Frosty. Now is probably a good time for me to introduce the latest additions to my family in Madras… presenting Tipsy the Holly look alike and Frosty the little mongrel rescued from the Blue Cross (yet another birthday present)!

I love my friends and I have some pretty darn great ones… I believe you can tell a lot about a person from their friends so obviously I am pretty freaking AWESOME since my friends are pretty freaking cool too!

I wouldn’t go so far as to say I love my job but I do feel gratified when I have a clear deliverable to work towards and there’s a total adrenalin rush until I hand it in… then I get a bit bored because the fun part is over and I hate going back into the document to simply change things based on feedback… it’s just too boring. But I do love a glowing commendation on a job well done. I guess it’s hard to really love a job when it’s a job, rather than a profession. I never really leaned towards a doctor/lawyer type of thing… I think the closest I got was wanting to be a chartered accountant. Not sure what happened there… I think computers came along and that was the end of that. So 8 years later, I’m still in IT and I can’t complain… I think mostly I do like systems and processes better than I like numbers. But on some days, I’m not so sure…

There are plenty of other things I love in my life but they might be on par with a party night out or just under… I love reading… I’ll read absolutely anything although I do prefer fiction. Reading and my alcohol intake do not go so well together because no matter what the time and irrespective of how blind I am, I will pick up the book on the bedside table without fail and attempt to read… sometimes I’ve managed to get through whole chapters but the next day it’s all such a blur, I have to go back and start over. And this has happened time and time again… nonetheless I persevere…

I love eating chocolate and going out for Italian and Indian food. I love drinking my hot chocolate in the mornings, even in summer… although I’ve cut them down to about 2 a week. I love flowers… white roses and colourful tulips… I like going to the movies or curling up on the couch with a DVD… I am also a total couch potato Monday to Thursday and have numerous favourite must see TV shows per day. I love eating potato chips and ketchup… I’m not sure why I’m bringing this up but I suddenly thought of them and can’t help drooling… I completely drench the chips in ketchup and then mix them up with my hands and eat them like rice and yogurt… it is to freaking die for! I also love eating ice cream but that’s the last thing I’m going to say about eating since this is not a food post! I love listening to music on my way to and from work and I love singing along to live guitar playing. I like reading other peoples blogs (when they update them… hmph!) and my newest online obsession is Facebooking! I also like catching up with friends on MSN, the phone or email but there’s never quite enough of it, one feels. Oh my god, how could I forget… I love owning new stuff (and hence, have to carry out the necessary evil of shopping to get there)… I love driving with the sun roof open on a warm sunny day and I love crossing the river when walking back home (because as you may or may not know, I heart bodies of water)… I love sleeping… if there is no alcohol in my system, I can sleep and sleep for even 12 hours each night. But alas, alcohol does not mix well with my sleep patterns and I jump right up with the slightest noise and the smallest toss or turn from the person lying next to me. It’s just punishment for how well I sleep during the week I feel. This is why my Saturday/Sunday mornings are always crap! That’s enough for now about things I like to do.

Concerning my personality in general, clearly I am not blonde and I am certainly not ditzy… I’m quite the opposite of ditzy really… I’m a control freak so I know exactly what’s happening when… that doesn’t mean I don’t go with the flow and don’t do stuff unless its been planned and I’ve been told well in advance… if such a spontaneous plan comes up though, I mentally have to readjust stuff in my head to get my life back into sync i.e. laundry postponed until tomorrow, grocery shopping absolutely has to be done today so whatever happens getting to Safeway by 6:00 pm, after two beers won’t have mood to cook dinner so any leftovers available… nope… dinner out then, etc. etc. I also feel I have borderline OCD but let’s dwell on that another time. I guess another thing about me is that I am rather a lazy person but once I get started on something, there’s no turning back. So this is where my mental to do list helps me move my ass because when it gets over 5 items, I’m in serious trouble and that motivates me enough to cross off at least 3 items in the one go. So yes, I am also a bit of a procrastinator. This also explains my couch potato habit for most of the working week… that’s why, when the weekend rolls around, the promise of alcohol and fun times with good friends is what perks me up and gets me off the couch. And once I’m off it, I am never very keen to get back to it (metaphorically speaking) and insist on partying till the cows come home.

This leads in nicely to the next topic – the one regarding my bottomless pit of desire for Bacardi Rum… it is not true at all that I have a bottomless pit… quite the contrary… sometimes I am terribly hungover and no amount of coaxing will convince my stomach that drinking again is just the ticket to recover… at other times, my stomach gets full really quickly and again no amount of coaxing will convince my stomach that 2 drinks is not an acceptable limit at which to stop drinking. Then there are other times where I stupidly start off with beer or wine and then try and switch and oh boy does that fail miserably most times. If I’m lucky I just get really tired and want to pass out. If I’m unlucky, I feel like I’m seasick and almost always have to throw up to recover. So as per that other control freak aspect of my personality, since I know what I’m doing most weekends i.e. birthday parties, etc., I am mentally prepared to have a great time so somehow that helps me drink heaps and since I am also off the couch, I really just love to stay out and party on! Sadly, not everyone is off the same temperament and on most occasions I am forced home when people around me are passing out or the party is packing up! But look me up on the Sunday and chances are I am back to my couch potato mode and it will take rather a lot to induce me to drink and even then I will stop at like 2 or 3. Luckily, whether I have plans on Friday or not, I am totally up for anything because it’s just terribly depressing to hang out at home on the couch on a Friday evening and I am only tempted to do it if I have a very very big Saturday planned.

That about wraps it up for now. My next post will go back to it’s partying ways and be all about the last one month and it’s 101 birthday parties, concerts and other events. Things are also brightening up considerably... glorious daylight savings time is back again and we've had a couple of wonderfully warm summer days... This weekend I am off to the eastern most tip of mainland Australia – a delightful little coastal town called Byron Bay. Going with 6 others so should be heaps of fun. And in the meantime, be safe and drink responsibly :-p

Wouldn't it be nice to live together in the kind of world where we belong

You know it seems the more we talk about it
It only makes it worse to live without it
But let's talk about it
Wouldn't it be nice

Dear Penny Lane

So, the other night, us Fort Knox alumni got together for our monthly poker night. The usual bottle of Jack was cracked open and beef tasting nibbles were passed around and good ol’ Fudge, he had a great treat for us… special brownies… yeah, that’s right, don’t look so surprised… talk about being baaad assss!!! Gosh, I remember how you used to smoke it in your bathroom. I’d be all fast asleep in the comfort of your bed and you’d go do your thang and then come back to bed and annoy the crap out of me. I mean, what’d a dog have to do to get some sleep around that joint? So anyway, Chocolate, Fudge and me, we were just shooting the breeze and to be completely honest, we had gotten rather giggly thanks to the brownies, when who should show up but young Ginger. I tell you, I was pretty darn shocked she had the nerve to show up after all the nasty rumours she’d been spreading about Fudge and Teddy all over Dogtown. But we didn’t turn her out because well, you know, she’s a young un’… never had anyone to show her the way really what with her arriving here so young and all and she always had a bit of a tail on her, that she did! So then she broke down with everyone glaring at her and apologised for making up all those lies and it was hard not to melt, that look in her eyes. Next thing we know, we’re all high pawing each other and look up to see Teddy shuffling in in his trademark purple coat, sunglasses and carrying his walking stick. There was a bit of an awkward moment while he took in the scene in front of him but he caught on in no time and enveloped Ginger in a warm hug. Good ol’ Teddy… you don’t live to 90 and become elected the Head of the Underground Society of Dogs Against The Adoption of Cats as Household Pets and not get wise to a few things. We don’t keep these catch ups exclusive to Fort Knox you know… we like to keep in touch with the family dogs too. So sure enough, Max and Dinky joined us and Dinky brought along that grumpy smelly sourpuss Gizmo. I know he’s family and all and that’s why we tolerate him, but really that doesn’t mean I have to like him.

By now, we’d started playing and we were well into the brownies… I’m telling you girl, it was insaaane in the membrane! I should’ve joined you when I had the chance… can you imagine me and you rolling around the bathroom floor in giggle fits!! It would’ve been da bomb. By the way, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but my vocab has gotten way better since I moved here… I know I could just about manage Woowoowoo when I was with you but these dawgs sure know how to teach a beyatch a word or two. My main man is this cat named Snoop Dogg and he has us chanting all sorts of fun stuff like bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yay…

But anyway, back to our poker night. We were playing Texas Hold ‘Em and I was doing alright… even stevens really… so were Max, Dinky and Gizmo. Ginger was down pretty bad, so were Fudge and Chocolate… Teddy was just raking it in as usual. It was a stormy night and it was coming down something fierce when suddenly the door flies open and who should run in soaking wet but Biscuit. Ginger nearly fell off her chair because he cut a most dashing figure with his dark eyes and chocolate fur, engaged in the act of shaking the water off himself. They’ve never met of course… he having lived with you in the early 90s and Ginger only in 2004. It was puppy love at first sight… I felt so very wistful watching them… god knows how different things might’ve been if Scooby from down the road hadn’t been so goddamn obnoxious… I mean, that is what attracted me to him in the beginning but towards the end it just got so tiresome our whole barking-madly-at-each-other-through-the-gate routine. I’ve heard on the grapevine that he’s taken up with a black Lab from down near the supermarket. All I can say is good luck to her.

So that’s really all the news from our end. Things might’ve gotten slightly nasty that poker night when Gizmo and Teddy faced off for all or nothing but luckily Dinky was way past his alcohol tolerance level and chose that moment to return from relieving himself, completely miscalculated where his chair was, and fell flat on his tiny bottom! We were all on the floor laughing after that. Chocolate sends her love as always. How are things going with you? How’s baby sister? How’re mama and papa Lane? Is mama Lane still sadly under the delusion she has any kind of control over the canines she lives with? Ah well, we must leave her with some hope to hold on to, harmless thing that she is. I routinely call Rusty on his mobile to tell him to give ‘er hell and sometimes text him fun ways to make mischief! And what about you then? Still missing me? I know you are. I looked at all those photos of all of us with you the other day. I don’t know if you felt my paw on your shoulder but I was there.

Oh I almost forgot to tell you… I ran into my old man Crispy on the street the other day. He is one good looking mo fo… now I know where I get my drop dead gorgeous looks from. He’s doing alright and invited me to a meal next week. I can’t wait to look at more baby pictures of myself.

And oh, oh, met up with Appachen when he visited Dogtown on a daytrip. I told him I'd be writing to you so he said a big Hi.

That’s it I guess. Write soon and I’m attaching a pic of us from the other night.

Miss you and love you as much as the day I left you.

Holly xoxoxo



Wouldn’t it be nice if they were all living it up like so? Wouldn’t it be nicer if they still remembered us? Wouldn’t it be nicest if they hadn’t had to leave us at all?

I don't quite know, how to say, how I feel

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

Those three words
I've said too much
But not enough

Oh my god, this is one of them songs… I haven’t had one of these songs for a while… you know, one of them songs you listen to over and over one night… I don’t know man, I have these songs once ever so often and then for a long time, I completely lose interest pretty much in music all together and suddenly that song comes along that brings it all back… So tonight is one of them nights, and this is one of them songs. It’s called Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol and I’ve heard it on tv/radio/in the stores for the last I don’t know how many months but never had it but tonight I’m just like, I have to have it and so I downloaded it and right now its on iTunes repeat and I guess it will be on repeat until I finish this post… and I imagine that’s gonna take a while. Unfortunately this is the same song that was the finale for Grey’s freaking Anatomy this year in Oz (oh, sorry, 2006, last year it seems) but I hate the freaking show so it hurts that I like the song so much but it’s ok, I’ll adjust for tonight…

Oh right, so first off, Happy Birthday dear friend Rael… we missed you over Christmas and New Years and I guess it’s going to be a while before you’re back again after your jettsetting global adventures… So anyway, I’m just back after many drinks at his birthday party and I thought now is a good time as any to update blog… haha, it’s taking twice as long to spell right, but anyhow…

Where the hell do I begin??? I guess I could begin with the first couple of nights that they got into town (they being Rita and Phil aka auntie and uncle but never wanting to be introduced as such)… oh man, it was the most awesome time ever… they’re the coolest people I know… on par with my baby sister and my baby cousins… and none of them are babies no more… oh god, I miss my family!!! It just went by so quick…

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

So anyhow, there was Christmas prep with the tree and presents and shit and then there was Christmas Eve where I forced everyone to stay up pretty much and so we tried to go to Crown Casino and stuff and the whole world tried to convince me not to go to Midnight Mass, but I went anyway, by myself, I might add… It was good though, I sang carols soulfully and missed my parents and sister like no tomorrow and then the next day my mom refuses to even believe I went to Church… geez, I’m a devil, but not that much of a devil that I’d lie about going to Christmas Mass… But anyway, I got home and we all wished each other and then exchanged the few hundred presents we had for each other and it was so good. I got so many cool clothes… I’ve pretty much worn all of them this whole little holiday of mine… Christmas is awesome!!!

Christmas Day was insane in its own little way… I’d had about 4 hours of sleep and then we went to this lunch where everyone was gathering at and oh my god, I drank like 3 drinks of Old Monk which was on offer and then it finished so I went back to Bacardi but basically we were all there from 1 pm until about 7 pm and who even knows what happened in between… This sweetheart was one of the highlights of my Christmas… no other dogs in my life at this point… there’s Rusty of course, but he’s so freaking far away!!!! Don’t worry though Holly, I still think of you evey fucking day… why? Why? Why were you taken away from me?

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things
Will never change for us at all

Then I had about one good night’s sleep after 5 days and Boxing Day I conscioulsy said I would not even take a sip of alcohol and I didn’t and that night we flew to Cairns and got to Port Douglas really late but it was sooooo good to be back in tropical climates… guess what, so called summer in Melbourne, it freaking hailed on Christmas Day… too depressing! The only thing I don’t miss about tropical climates is freaking lizards… gross as “pallis”… gross man, they creep the shit out of me… But anyway, we chilled on the beach, we ate some awesome meals and then we went on a tour to one of the outer reef areas… I tried scuba diving and unfortunately for me it didn’t go so well :-( The water just went fully into my nose everytime I tried so I didn’t do it eventually and went snorkelling instead and went on some strange ocean walk where they put this space type helmet on my head and I walked about 6 metres down the ocean floor and it was just quite mad… it was stupid man, I was just like, what the fuck is this shit… but I got to touch some fish… haha, don’t know if I ever wanted to touch fish… anyhow, the Great Barrier Reef is awesome… and the warm water is unbelievable… the last day we went on some Rainforest tour and went on a cable car ride a couple of thousand metres high and it was pretty fucking scary! And then we took some scenic railway and I think I saw some Aboriginals in Australia after 4.5 years finally! The trip was soooo good… I’m sooo going back and I’m so getting certified to go diving so I’ll have more time to get used to the breathing underwater crap!



Then we got back to Melbourne and had a whole other kind of trip… haha, I so don’t want to talk about it… I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… there are some trips better left unsaid!!! All I am willing to say is how much sense Penny Lane by the Beatles makes now!!! And I am sooo Penny Lane!!!



If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Then there was New Years Eve… I suppose it could be considered rather tame compared to various other years… but it was great… all our near and dear ones in this city were around us! I had a great time… one of the best moments was talking to baby sister dear when we were almost going to bed at 5:30 am and it was just her midnight then. Man, I don’t know how she’s going to grow up without me around… I don’t know if I’m a positive influence, but I’m certainly her older fucking sister and that has to count for something… well, I’m not around either way, so I just have to cross my fingers and hope for the best!

And then there was New Years Day where I walked around in a daze and we went to Mexican Margarita dinner and then we went to a drive in movie and I freaking slept and I don’t think I’ve ever slept at a movie before, drive in or otherwise, so believe me when I say I was fucking done to have done that! And then there was their last day where we went to the wildlife sanctuary and I finally got to see a freaking kangaroo after 4.5 years… I don’t quite know how to say how much it meant to be able to finally see one… and they are so freaking adorable!! And then we got fucking wasted that night and then they left :-(…

All that I am
All that I ever was
It’s here in your perfect eyes
They're all I can see

I so don’t enjoy being at work right now :-( Life sucks when you nothing and no one to look forward to!!

Man, it’s 2007… we can’t even pretend to be little kids anymore even though that’s all I’ll ever be at heart… what’s up with this shit that we have to pretend to be responsible adults… and I don’t even mind being a responsible adult… but, it just sucks when your age and the year kinda dictates that you have to be one… 18 til I die baby…

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

This song makes me so sad though… I don’t quite know why… it just reminds me of a time when it wasn’t like this… of course, at the time, I wasn’t satisfied at all… all I wanted was to get away… I guess, just forget the world… but it was that same time that so many amazing things happened… I remember some days, I’m not sure what we did but I know we laughed a lot and the hours just went by so quick and we thought it was never ever going to get any better and maybe it hasn’t… and I remember some nights, the first few times we went out, we went to dinner each time and then we’d buy a quart of Old Monk rum each and get fucking wasted on that one little quart… and then we’d pick up some friends who’d we give some more quarts to, haha, and then we’d go to EC-41 and we’d both get in for free because we were cool that way… that’s a whole other story, how I got a lifetime free membership to EC-41… it’s a brilliant story, but not tonight… so then we’d be in EC-41 and most nights most everyone else was there… but there were some nights that it was pouring down rain and hardly anyone’d be there… but we were there… and we’d dance and we’d sing and we’d drink and we’d smoke and we’d laugh our asses off… so it isn’t as easy as that anymore… nobody does the same shit anymore… there isn’t the one place to go to anymore, the one place that is guaranteed to get you into a good time…

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me your garden that's bursting into life

I don’t know what’s going to become of us… I mean, at one point in your life you’re so used to having a certain group of people around all the time and then one day that just doesn’t happen no more and maybe you get a different group of people and that’s also just wonderful but what about that first group of people? How do you get them back into the groove? Because you miss them and love them like you did when you were 18-20??!! But perhaps they don’t remember it like you do, and it’s as stupid as chasing cars to them to even imagine that it could ever happen again! I’ve been having these dreams these last couple of weeks, all filled with old times and old people… such good times… and this is at a time in my life where I’m completely enjoying my current life (apart from work of course)! I don’t know, I wake up highly disturbed because I feel like something’s gone terrribly wrong in my hometown and there’s nothing I can do to make it ok. I swear, it feel so real I honestly wonder what happened that I should dream of all of them so vividly… these kinda dreams haven’t happened since the first time I left India all those years ago.

I guess right now I’m sorta just hoping for good things whenever it is I get to go back again… I mean it’s always good, everytime I go back, but sometimes it just fucking kills you… I mean, it can only kill you when you’ve been away… but it fucking kills you anyway… but I love them all… and I miss them all… and that’s my utopian dream… that they could all be here with me…

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don’t quite know how to say how I feel… I’m still listening to the stupid song and it’s daylight now so that’s freaking great… I guess I will try to just not sleep until later tonight I think cos I gotta go to work early tomorrow morning anyway… But so, I was just flipping through the few hundred photos from the last 10 days and it just has to make you smile doesn’t it… the way people look in them… so happy… maybe they were drunk at the time, and sometimes they weren’t, believe it or not… but we all look so freaking happy… and a lot of the New Years Eve ones, we’re just kinda sticking our hands up in the air with the Christmas tree in the background and lots of crazy light effects happening because the fancy ass camera wasn’t on auto focus and it’s just funny… it’s just a perfect reflection of how people feel/felt/will feel… I hope it’s a good year… for everyone I know and love… something tells me it has the potential to be… the year a lot of things change for a lot of people in a good way… we’re getting old man, and there’s no denying that! I’m no longer early 20’s, I’m mid-20’s, my boyfriend will be “late” 20’s after his birthday this year, poor guy… but it’s ok… I think we’re entering a completely new exciting phase of all our lives… Happy 2007!!!

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Little wild one, I’ll come back to you

Chocolate has died… she passed away quietly on Saturday morning… she was 10 years old… she was the most loyal dog a family could have… she loved us all as we loved her… she watched as we welcomed dogs to the family and she watched as their time was up before her… now she gets to join them all in doggy heaven…

Dearest Chocolate

You were my best friend for all the years you were with me… I was in madly in love with you to begin with… you entered my life at a time I really needed you… you were funny and naughty and mad and that’s why I called you my little wild one… do you remember me singing that to you all the time… surprisingly, after we welcomed a little puppy who was even naughtier than you, you seemed to realise your frolicking days were up and it was time you tried to set an example for the new brat… so you became the mature, obedient one… you came when we called… you got up quietly and went out when we told you to go outside… and you always welcomed us with a smile and a cold nose touch when you saw us… even until recently when it became so painful for you to get up and walk… you taught me a lot about love and commitment and responsibility… I’m going to feel very sad when I get home and you’re not there to greet me… you always knew, every time I came back on a holiday, you were so glad I was so back… you remembered me so well… you remembered me as the one you loved the most who’d seemingly gone away one day… you remembered me because of your unfailing devotion to me… dear little Chocolate… I hope you have been reunited with all the others from the family… are you with Fudge and Teddy and Biscuit and Snoopy and Dinky and Jeanie and Max and Ginger… I bet Holly led the welcome wagon because she loved you as much as we loved you… there will always be an empty space in Fort Knox because no one can ever replace what you meant to us all… Goodbye dear Chocolate and please continue to take care of us from above…

I keep waiting for it to hit me… when I first heard she was sick a week ago and realised she was going to die soon, I sobbed my heart out. When I found out that she had gone, I shed a tear and that was it… I just felt so sad, like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders… and anything I see on TV about chocolate reminds me of her and makes me sadder but I still can’t cry… when Holly died I cried bucket loads for weeks and I can conjure up the tears for her even now… why can’t I cry for Chocolate? Because my love for her is a much deeper, steadier love… the grief is mingled with relief that her suffering was ended… so now, I just feel a huge emptiness when I think of her… and returning to my home will never be the same without her sweet loyal face at the gate as a welcome… Goodbye dear Chocolate… you will always be my little wild one and one day I’ll come back to you, I promise.

Here are all the pictures I could find of her online... Most of my pictures of her are pre-digital era...

Here she is 3-4 years ago with her good friend Holly... she was still smiling then and she was healthy and strong



Here she is play fighting with Rusty last December in a rare display of energy. Well, the energy was all from Rusty's end really... all she did was growl menacingly at him... and you'll notice Rusty all set to spring... he never got beyond getting set because he took her quite seriously and knew she wouldn't take him jumping her...



There's the growl... watch it, young punk... I've been there, done that...



This was her favourite rug to lie on downstairs in the washbasin area...



She never lost her appetite... This is a piece we call "Dog & The Bone"



She used to feel cold in her old age at nights... I bought her that dog sweater as a joke gift ages ago never thinking she'd actually need to use it :) This was her other favourite spot... on the warm rug outside my parent's bedroom. Of course her most favourite spot was my bed but for the last couple of years, she had all kinds of sores on her body so it wasn't hygienic for her to sleep in the same bed as humans, poor baby.



This is my favourite most recent picture of her... how sweetly she stretches...



Also, one year ago, my Appachen passed away on this day. We still miss you and think of you everyday. Rest in peace, Appachen & Chocolate...

Can I get a Woop Woop Can I get a Woop Woop? Single ladies, I can’t hear ya’ll!!

I cannot get the freaking song out of my head. It’s my own freaking fault of course.

Do you sometimes remember things you’ve said or done and want to die laughing?

So thanks to Saturday night, I will never listen to this song again without blushing prettily and smiling embarrassedly… except when next I’m drunk of course… cos that next time with the right crowd and the right mood, this is an encore just waiting to happen! It’s a dangerous trend though… no one can shut me up with singing, but now is it also impossible to stop me dancing?

Its true that I think of her all the time… she still puts in an appearance in dreams of green lawns and white picket fences… and I still get teary-eyed talking about her… but I still want to tell her story to anyone who will listen… Holly in the Sky with Diamonds… the dog with kaleidoscope eyes :)

I used to think of myself as the girl with kaleidoscope eyes… but what does it even mean? Colours and shapes in a different pattern every time I open my eyes? Never see the same thing twice… makes for an interesting life… or not… I don’t know… I can’t express my thoughts clearly sometimes… And sometimes I get bored with trying to express my thoughts… like now… so let’s just drop it!

There was this song that came out last year or maybe the year before. It was the old Linkin Park Numb with Jay-Z’s Encore and I was pre-biased against it because this was a particularly strong anti-R&B phase of mine. I say R&B because I have nothing against hip-hop and even enjoy it sometimes. But these excuses from such “R&B” artists as Nelly and Akon and even Snoop fucking Dogg (I just don’t get Drop It Like It’s Hot) make me physically ill almost. I’m sure The Beatles make a lot of people feel the same way so to each his own and all that! But anyway, this song did grow on me and finally came that drunken night where I insisted on playing it every 5 minutes and memorising as much of it as I could… the Jay-Z parts were hard. I think Jay-Z is a cool rapper.

So what was my point? There wasn’t one… I just felt like talking about the song. And I guess it would be funny if anyone ever saw the three of us singing it. I even looked for it at karaoke that last time… of course it wasn’t there. When we go our separate ways (which is coming up quite soon, really), we have to do a night of just the three of us at home, singing Numb between cigarette breaks on the balcony.

So who is responsible for those karaoke lists? I understand popular singable songs and all but how does that excuse only five Beatles songs on the list? I didn’t even check for Pink Floyd… actually when I’m 100 drinks down like I was that karaoke night, I’ll sing anything. And I did. They sang Madonna’s Like A Prayer and they sang Michael Jackson’s The Way You Make Me Feel and of course, I sang (whilst cringing)… my sing-every-single-time-I-have-a-mic-in-front-of-me song is I Will Survive and so of course I sang that… but the best was in the final 10 minutes of having the room with everyone fighting over songs and the mic, someone reminded me about Bohemian Rhapsody and I just kicked everyone out of the way to sing it. I might have to revise my sing-every-single-time-I-have-a-mic-in-front-of-me song to it… but then again, I don’t think so. I’ll make it my sing-every-second-time-I-have-a-mic-in-front-of-me song!

Sometimes I write for the sake of writing. Do you ever go back to something you wrote a year ago and cringe? I do it all the freaking time. Why is it that something that seemed so profound and/or entertaining then seems so pompous and/or juvenile now? I don’t know…

I love this latest trend of remixing old disco/80’s songs… they sound awesome… and they bring together the tastes of so many more people. They did a brilliant job with Owner of a Lonely Heart (and the video simply rocked, it was so cute) last year and my current favourite is Thunder in my Heart! And then there’s the whole clubby reggae business which also rocks… how brilliant was Love Generation and his new song isn’t too bad either!

Wow, can this really be true? Can I actually enjoy the music of today? I don’t think this has happened since my boy band phase in high school (and let’s not pretend we didn’t all have one)!! And it’s strange how those clubbing songs from the late nineties and early noughties (that is what they are calling this decade FYI) didn’t affect me then the way they do now. Then they were like background music in a way… a backdrop to much more interesting events such as wild beach house parties and meeting old and new people at discos. Now I actually listen to these songs just for the fun of it… and a couple of years ago a whole bunch of them were compiled into CDs called Wild Gold… the irony that those songs are considered “classic” club music never fails to amuse me. I love them though… one of the advantages of having house parties in Australia… we never get as fancy as having DJs so we get to pick and play… and we play Wild Gold a LOT!! And now I will be adding Fat Man Scoop to the playlist… haha!

It’s nice that I’m listening to music again… I go through phases where I just don’t… I didn’t touch my iPod for about five months this year. But now its back… and it certainly helps me write…

Here’s hoping the music never lets me go!

In Memory of the Most Lovable Dog that Ever Lived

Darling H... its been more than a year now since you were taken from me. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you or see your adorable face or miss you terribly. And when I dream about you... I think that hits me the most... because in my dreams, you're alive and we're together and we're hanging out just the way we used to, and then I wake up and I'm filled with such an ache at the realisation that it was just a dream, and you are still dead, and I am still alone.

Oh H, I still don't understand why it had to happen. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. You weren't even meant to be mine. You were meant to be A's special pet. You were my Christmas gift to her. And that's why we named you H. And then you sneaked into my heart and I was willing to give up the world for you (in your case, that meant the best seats in the house and waking up at the crack of dawn to let you out to pee). Not that A didn't love you as much. But you and me, we had a special bond. Because I spoilt you like there was no tomorrow and A was a bit more impatient and intolerant of your mad behaviour.

Hahaha... your mad behaviour... you were the naughtiest dog ever. I remember your bravado on your first day in your new home, running out in excitement and then turning right on your heel and smashing into the wall at the first sight of your sister C. Yeah, how you abused her once you grew slightly tall. And your second day, when I came to say goodbye to you on my way to college, that's the first time you spoke and I thought it was so strange and then it became such a part of you that today people think I'm crazy when I say that you spoke to people.

Remember when you sat on your A's head - I was so drunk, all I could do was laugh. And remember when you massacred her entire Barbie collection. That was one of the funniest sights of my life... heads, arms, legs, all over the place. Boy, was she mad!!

I remember the first time you saw yourself in the mirror... you nearly broke the mirror in all the excitement.

And that time at C's birthday party when that tiny little terror M scared the hell out of you who was thrice her size... and all you wanted to do was play, you poor little thing.

How about the day when you ate at least 20 individually wrapped heart-shaped chocolate biscuits that Dad had bought me for Valentine's Day and all that was left over were miniscule little bits of red foil... how sick were you that day... served you right, you greedy thing!!

I'll never forget your presence of mind that night when you and C somehow ran out of the gate and nobody realised because we were busy getting drunk and then you come back and start talking real loudly and imagine my shock when I see that you're outside the gate and you had come back just to warn me that C was outside trying to get it on with some rather unsavoury neighbourhood dogs. You probably saved C from getting rabies that night H. I know you loved her to death inspite of the way you treated her.

I loved how you let Mom and S know exactly how you felt everytime they had to do the dirty work of tying you up or sending you out of the house. Your barking could've brought down the roof on those occasions. And when Mom slapped us in mock anger, you would let her know in no uncertain terms that she would have you to answer to if she ever hurt A or me.

What cruel tricks A and I used to play on you... We only did it because we loved you and we loved how you talked back and we loved how easy it was to trick you... Our favourite was calling your name on speaker phone... that really spooked you out... as did the balloon that made noise when the air was let out. My poor baby...

But you used to play a game with me too, every single morning... you'd paw me until I woke up at the unearthly hour that you used to like waking up, and then we'd walk to the ramp and the house would be dead silent, so you'd refuse to move unless I walked with you... And then you'd just settle yourself on the rug outside Mom and Dad's room and refuse to budge even after I'd opened the front door for you... And you knew I couldn't leave you there and go back to bed... the house would be in a shambles by the time everyone was up... So, I'd have to pretend to go to sleep on the diwan in the living room, and only then would you rise and run down the stairs and go outside... you were so strange H... but I loved every minute of living with you.

And you were a bit of a flirt weren't you... Mom, A and me got a bit boring to you after a couple of hours of hanging with you, but you always had a moment to chat with Dad anytime he said anything to you. And you would never rise for any of the women in the house, but as soon as Dad called you over to talk to you, you'd jump up and race to him, as if he might change his mind. He had a soft spot for you H... we all did... it was impossible not to love you.

Oh H, I miss your mad behaviour, and your sloppy kisses, and your fur that was softer than a baby's bottom, and your eyes that made me melt everytime I looked at you, and your voice, and your lethal lethal tail with which you knocked over people and things alike... Now, I just surround myself with images of you so that you are always close to me... your picture on the dressing table is the first thing I see in the morning after I've showered... I look at your picture on my phone at the tramstop... I switch on my computer at work, and there you are again as my wallpaper... I go home and get dinner started and you're looking at me from the fridge... you're even my MSN photo on MSN Instant Messenger... but it isn't enough, and it will never be enough... because you will never come back. I only hope that one day we can meet again... maybe there are day trips to dog heaven or something from human heaven (let's hope I do go to human heaven)... And until then, please know that you meant the world to me, and I lost a part of me when you died, and I will never ever be able to replace you... And of course, stay out of trouble in dog heaven and be the most lovable dog that ever died (which I know you will be)...