You’ll say we got nothing in common, no common ground to start from and we’re falling apart. Then I said what about Breakfast at Tiffanys...

Gee whiz… when things happen, they happen all at once. And sometimes nothing happens at all… like I think I was bemoaning nothing happening in like Feb and then suddenly life became hectic in March and we’re already at the end of April? Did time fly so when I was a child? I don’t think so really… what was life after all but a school timetable and weekends… so now its work and weekends but somehow it flies… I guess, cos there is no timetable. Well whatever, I have lots of updating to do on this blog. The real reason I continue to maintain this blog at all (with everyone on the blogroll being so slack at updating) is so I have a record of my life to look back on in one, two, five, ten, thirty years… it’s amazing the little things one forgets that one never expected to forget but forgot anyway, so the blog helps greatly. I wish I’d had a blog before I left India… I mean, I used to write stuff in a journal before I left India but it’s not the same as recording life events on a blog because a blog is public and a journal is private and I got over ‘Dear Diary, I did this and this and that between 3:00 and 5:00 pm today’ by age 12. So this blog is more like a dear diary in the sense of ‘Dear Diary, I went to x parties this weekend and got wasted at x of them…’ and then I can read these entries at some later point in my life when my life isn’t all that happening and then I can feel nostalgic for the good times and may want to kill myself at being reminded of a better time, but who knows… it may indeed only ever get better (but I doubt it).

So if you’re still reading, I left off at the long weekend holiday? The weekend that followed was meant to be really quiet because of the wild holiday weekend but it ended up that a friend and I met for a quiet drink or two at 5:30 pm on a Friday evening at this delightful bar along my one-and-only-close-to-my-heart Yarra river… by 8:00 pm, we had grown to 12 people and maybe 5 rounds down. And of course, that’s when we should’ve stopped and just GONE HOME. But of course we didn’t and of course we partied on and eventually I think we got home at 3:00 am. This is the trouble with Fridays – you always start off so early because it’s straight after work and sometimes it gets out of freaking control. It was an awesome night though – lots of laughs and tram and China Bar incidents! China Bar deserves a post of its own – it’s a mildly dodgy Chinese fast food place that doesn’t have a liquor licence but serves you Victoria Bitter beer anyway and I’m not a fan of Asian food but I don’t mind going to China Bar once in a while and eating the roti channai, which is like roti and chicken curry but I really couldn’t handle the place in my soberness and so most times we go there when we’re smashed and do crazy things like sing the Indian National Anthem. The rest of the weekend should’ve been quiet, but again, it wasn’t! I think I ate off our friend’s bbq for all meals beginning on Sat afternoon until Sun evening because Sat night he brought it over to our place and I actually spent a pleasant quiet evening by myself watching a Poirot whodunit on TV and then Sun afternoon, we had a tiny bbq partaay to watch the Australian Grand Prix on TV. The race was great, except for Ferrari winning of course. But how awesome is that young little Lewis Hamilton??!! So sweetly and talentedly he’s made it to the podium also every race since.

Then there was a week of work as usual but I do believe a few of us went out to dinner to a fancy schmancy Sri Lankan place that Thursday night and I finished almost an entire bottle of wine so was decidedly seedy the next morning at work. I was meant to go lawn bowling that evening with work but decided to give it a miss and went home to rest and I think slept for 12 hours+ that night. The next day I woke up well refreshed to find out India was pretty much out of the World Cup… Mr. Moonlight had stayed up most of the night to watch the match so was decidedly seedy that day and I convinced him to have an afternoon nap since we were going out that evening although at the time I was clueless about the things in store for me later that night. So then I did many household chores being in a domestic mood and expecting houseguests on the Monday and so forgot to wake him up and he was fully panicked about being late to this thing we were going to which was apparently some work friend of his party type thing. I of course never panic because I am never on time to anything ever! So I was done with my shower and hanging out in the bedroom and cutting my nails I think when I hear him on the phone outside trying to make a dinner reservation??!! So when he comes in I’m like, what’s the deal with the dinner reservation, I thought we were going to a party and he’s all, oh what are you talking about… very lame attempt at covering. But so anyway, I sorta fully guessed then that he was going to propose to me that night because well, I don’t know, I just knew. And then we sat in the car and he played a CD he’d burnt that day and the first song was Penny Lane and that was sooo funny and sweet and typical of him and just confirmed it. The rest of the songs were all the other songs we’ve considered our own over the years… there was Sweet Child of Mine, Can’t Help Falling in Love, She, Annie’s Song, Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Strangers in the Night, and then he drove us to this stretch of road along the Williamstown beach where the waves dash against the embankment and there’s a lighthouse and everything and then on the way he pretended he was making up this poem and would give me two new lines every two minutes but really he’d composed it earlier and had to improvise anyway since he forgot half of it and it was just really funny and sweet because by now I was fully certain of what was coming. The reason for the beach was because we first met at the beach all those years ago (7 years and some months to be precise) at that wonderful rendezvous of our youth, EC-41… Then once we’d parked he proposed and got out of the car and got down on his knees and put the ring on my finger! Ah, the ring… the most fabulous exciting bit to any engagement and mine is absofuckinglutely stunning… I love it… it’s a half carat diamond in a platinum setting and it’s from Tiffanys cos Audrey Hepburn style, I’m just craaaazay about Tiffanaaays! Tiffanys has a special significance in our relationship because right from the beginning we never had anything in common except partying and drinking and smoking, and then we had a fight in the early days and I think this song just happened to play and it made us smile so since then he only has to play this song when we’re fighting and it makes us laugh. So when we discussed getting married and stuff in recent years, my only wish (well, by only wish, I don’t really mean only wish – I’m a woman, I’m allowed to have million wishes and dreams for my engagement and wedding) was that the ring be from Tiffanys! Here’s a picture for you but it really needs to be seen in the flesh.

So there we were, engaged after all this time and it was a wonderful exciting feeling. We went to dinner and called all our friends in Melbourne and met a few of them after dinner and I finished a whole bottle of wine in excitement/celebration. The next morning we called up our families and spoke to a few friends in India and basked in the glow of moving on to the next step, scary as it may be. We also had shitloads of cleaning to do that day because the next day a friend from Brisbane and a few members of his family arrived in Melbourne to stay with us and there was barely any time to think for all the people around us and overseas phone calls to make and receive! That week was a total blur with friend getting wasted every night and me having to work so only got wasted one night mid-week. Laughed a lot that week but I think one of my favourite nights that week was just a random week night… I wasn’t drinking, friend was already down something like 6 beers, haha, we went to dinner and it was pouring that night and freezing cold but still lovely because it was raining because as you may or may not know, I love a rainy night. Then we took a drive and picked up a couple of other friends and there were 5 of us in this car on this rainy night with nowhere to go but aimlessly drive and it was just a total Madras flashback! So we ended up in some random outer suburb and parked in some random shopping centre parking lot to have a smoke and a spliff in the freezing cold (cos we do not smoke in the car, some things have changed from when we were juvenile, mildly delinquent teenagers) and then drove back into the city :-) Was so simple and fun and non-alcoholic and reminiscent of MADras!

So that weekend was my “fiancé’s” pre-birthday bash… it was at the rooftop bar I mentioned a couple of posts ago and was another crazy, drunken night that ended at 4:00 in the morning. That Saturday night was someone else’s birthday party so couldn’t recover from hangover and went out that night too but didn’t drink on this occasion so got home fairly early. Sunday was a day of relative rest I think but don’t fully remember and then Monday night we had to stay up till midnight to bring in his birthday and give him presents although there was nothing major cos he only wanted cash and then the next day was a stressful day at work and that evening went to Guitarman’s house to celebrate Mr. Moonlight’s birthday and also Big City Dude’s birthday the day after so quiet bbq and drinks AND a boob cake :-) I will have to find and post the pictures of that cake… was unbelievably delicious even! The next day, had another stressful work day and hurriedly packed and flew to Fiji that night, but that’s a whole other tale!

Your love is better than ice cream, better than anything I’ve ever tried. And your love is better than ice cream…

I wanted to write this really long post about the love of my life who very recently (read, 2 days after my last post) asked me to marry him (we can now refer to each other with the “f”iance word) and I said Yes of course and it was completely insane for the next few days with calling and talking to people and then we had houseguests and then we had his birthday party on the weekend and did so many other things on the weekend and today is his birthday and today is also the day work decided to put me in a panic by having to get something done by 2:00 pm and tonight is another little do for his birthday and tomorrow night we leave for Fiji and that made me realise this morning I must absolutely do laundry TODAY if I am to have any underwear for the trip and so many little things to finish before we leave tomorrow night and so on and so forth… but the point is, I love you babe and let’s have a blast together this evening since the day turned out to be such a washout thanks to both our jobs. And the post on how we got engaged and pictures of the stunning ring on my finger will be published next week once I get back from Fiji. Until then, Happy Easter and Happy Birthday love!

I’ve found a way to make you smile… I count your eyelashes, secretly…

The other night I watched you while you slept… I tried to count your eyelashes… I didn’t get very far… So I kissed your cheek instead… And found a way to make you smile…

We are the girls of a noble school, whose glorious past has made our rule... To its traditions we'll be true

To some tagging business from Rat first...

The instructions for this meme (am I the only one who has no idea what a meme is??) are as follows:

1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five people to do the same.

My 23rd post was written on June 29, 2005 and it was all about the time I spent in sunny California in May this year. I actually had a song at the beginning so the fifth line of that was

Nothing's gonna stop us now

The 5th line in the actual post itself was

So time to write about California and Los Angeles and my dear friend J...

I just read it again now and boy, did we have a blast for those couple of days. I wanna go on holiday again :( Ok, I'll stop complaining... my next holiday is coming up in 2.5 months. Yippee...

Right, so what else? I had a rather alcoholic weekend... Remember all that leftover booze from my party? Let's just say, it's been taken care of... And the thing was that I had planned to save myself for Saturday night because I had a birthday party to go to and being as old as I am now, drinking really does take its toll on me... gone are the days of drinking for 4 days non-stop and sleeping for 4 hours in between... now I limit myself to one night of bingeing and at least 10 hours of sleep to escape a hangover. But anyway, it seems once we started we couldn't stop on Friday night.

But I put in a good effort for Saturday night as well... I started at about 8 pm at a friend's dinner to meet his parents who were visiting and who I hadn't met in many years. Then we went to this really cool bar called The Long Room... apparently it literally has the longest bar in Melbourne and it stretches from one end of the "long" room to the other. It also has this really cool tapas area that looks like its been set up for an old-fashioned seven course meal type banquet and there were little alcoves that could be curtained for privacy and there were animal heads all over the place and polished wood tables and it was all rather trippy and Hotel California-ish. From here we went to the birthday party at Bambu bar and I proceeded to get very drunk and my two old school friends and I sat and laughed about all the strange girls we had ever studied with. It was so funny to remember some of them... some of them I'd even forgotten existed. All girl Catholic convent schools have to get the award for putting the most bizarre mix of girls together ever! It's amazing we all just didn't claw each other to death along the way!

My night did not end with the party. We met up with a couple of other people and had a drink at Cookie and there was this Aboriginal AFL player (or so he claimed, I must go investigate if it was really him) who was feeling very partial towards Indian looking people because of the number of racial slurs he's had to put up with with people calling him Indian/Paki... not that his own poor race isn't equally discriminated against! Anyway, then everyone came over to our place and we smoked many joints and I passed out at 5 am from excessive levels of alcohol and weed in my system! But hey, I did manage to make it to work today.

Finally I will leave you with a poem S wrote for me. Suddenly he has discovered some latent talent to rhyme and has been sending me poems left, right and centre. His next plan is to add some bad language and turn it into Hip Hop...

This morning I had to switch off the alarm
And for that, I had to stretch my arm

Then I saw the face I would miss
Couldn’t help but give it a kiss

Looking forward to seeing you tonight
Only then will I feel alright

The day the music died...

Another weekend gone by and only 10 days left until the big day. The big day refers to my birthday, of course. I’m not one of those people who pretend they don’t care about their birthday and who say things like ‘oh, its no big deal’. I’m one of those people who loves birthdays, especially my own and says things like ‘oh, its my birthday, so drop everything you’re doing and come party with me’. I mean, come on, birthdays are meant to be celebrated and I’ve celebrated every single one of them like they were going out of style. Anyway, we’ll see what happens this year…

On Friday I went to the housewarming party of someone who lives on the ground floor of my apartment building. He had invited everyone in the building and since we’ve never really met any of our neighbours, we dropped in. It was mostly middle-aged to older people and a couple of young people. Shantaram became a topic of conversation as it is prone to become when a white person meets an Indian for the first time and looks for some common ground. I don’t mind… I think its great that so many of them enjoyed the book. They won’t be so biased or culture shocked if they ever visit.

At one point, the host asks me "How do you take that life-altering decision of leaving family and friends and everything familiar behind and starting out fresh in a whole new country and culture"? Fuck, good question! For me, it was never a conscious decision… it was just an undercurrent in everything I dreamed my life would be when I grew up. And when I did grow up, I couldn’t really take it all back… But when I grew up, I realised that I really loved my life in Madras and didn’t think anything could ever compare with it.

Nothing has, so far.

I remember writing something when I left three years ago, something like:

But this is everything I’ve dreamed of since age 7. So why do I wish I was 7 again and this day was still 14 years away?

So these are the choices that we make and we have to stand behind them or we would be left with nothing, no direction, no mistakes to learn from, no right to say ‘I did it’. And there are still choices, there is hope yet! I didn’t mean to get all melancholy like this. Its not that my life is shit or anything but its soooo very different to my previous life in Madras.

There I was a part of a social fabric… there was always someone to call, someone to visit, someone to smoke a cigarette with, someone to smoke a joint with, someone to have a drink in the afternoon with… there were competing priorities… education, family, partying, dogs… rushing off from a family dinner to the night’s drinking gathering… rushing off from Sunday afternoon smokes (in full stoned glory) to catch at least the latter half of Mass (and more importantly, making sure my parents saw me)… rushing off from college to give my sister a lift home, take the dog to the vet, drop the dog back home (sometimes spastically sedated, poor baby) and rush off for the day’s entertainment. Anyway, my point is, it was really quite a happening, never-a-boring-moment kind of existence and then I played the cruel joke upon myself of leaving all that behind to study here.

Now I’m sure lots of people have some really fun times in university here but it just so happened that mine was the only course on the planet that people actually did for the sake of the course itself and not for the sake of getting a stupid degree. The average age was 35 and the most scintillating conversation was about which website was more usable and which website was more community building oriented. There were some fun moments and a couple of smashed moments but mostly it was coursework, coursework and more coursework.

Work at least has been much better… I’m part of a band of merry boys and girls (average age of 23 which is just right) and we get each other through the monotony and drudgery that is corporate life by talking shit all day. And sometimes we hang out on a Friday evening but it’s pretty much a work life/personal life separation thing!

So outside of these two social avenues, there have been the people you meet somehow or the other and some of them are fun and some of them are not and some of them are fun only when drunk and some of them talk too much or don't talk at all. Well obviously, I am extremely choosy… how can I not be when my friends from school and college and Madras and even Bangalore are just some of the coolest people around! I’ve been spoiled with good company and now no one seems to meet those standards.

And as for family, well really, don’t knock ‘em. Its only when they’re not around, you realise how entertaining even they can be. And as for dogs, well I don’t want to start sobbing my heart out now, so I’ll save my dog tales for another day.

So the best thing out of all this is that S and I are as close as two people can be and have had to entertain each other for three years and we aren’t bored yet.

And I really believe that everything happens for a reason and my happening life will come back to me sometime soon.

It seems I’ve forgotten what I even started writing about. The host also asked if I felt that Australia had accepted me and I think I’ll save that can of worms for another day! Got really wasted that night with some people who came over. It was fun. Had a really lazy Saturday, got a haircut, shopped for miscellaneous items, oooh S bought me a pre-birthday gift – a pair of Levis, watched The Interpreter and Hostage on DVD – the first one was shit and the second one was ok! Yesterday I just slept and slept and slept and read a bit in between. Today I have my first gym session in about an hour and I’m really excited about it – you will be hearing much about my fitness regime in the days to come.

For me, the day I left Madras was like the day the music died. Because like American Pie was a semi-autobiographical journey from innocence to adulthood for Don Mclean, so was my life in Madras my journey from innocence into adulthood and one day it ended as all eras tend to and that was the day the music died.

A long long time ago
I can still remember how that music used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance that I could make those people dance
And maybe they’d be happy for a while

Invariably, the music that makes me smile always leads back to Madras. They have that saying ‘All roads lead to Rome’ because in those BC days, all roads did literally lead to Rome since they were the only ones building them. For me, all roads lead to Madras… what a name, what a place, what an era!

Love is...

Love is little things

Love is saying I love you many times a day even after 5.5 years

Love is waking up and showering first just to let me sleep a little longer even though you start work later

Love is letting me snooze for an hour every morning

Love is emailing me I love you (in big bold rich text formatted 72 point font) everyday

Love is cooking two separate versions of paneer rolls because I can’t bear to eat onions with mine

Love is saying I am the most beautiful girl in the world even when I look my worst

Love is going out (after having settled down for the evening) to get me something that I need urgently and letting me stay at home so I won’t have to miss my favourite TV program

Love is bringing me breakfast in bed

Love is making me cold coffee at midnight

Love is getting me takeaway food and DVDs on a Saturday night when I am too lazy and sleepy to move

Love is taking me from one mall to another, all at different corners of the city and sometimes back again to the starting point and doing it all over again the next weekend just so I can get the best deals on my pre-holiday gifts shopping

Love is rolling me a joint even when you are too stoned and/or sleepy to smoke anymore

Love is letting me sit by the heater when we’ve both just come in from the cold

Love is getting drunk with me and letting me have the last drop of alcohol or the last sip of coke

Love is making me laugh by acting silly or making fun of yourself

Love is my picture on your phone as the wallpaper

Love is sitting through half an hour of traffic just to pick me up from work

Love is (or was, more like it because this happened at one point in our lives in Madras) driving 20 km from your house to pick me up from mine and then driving 40 km from my house to the beach house party or beach disco we were going to and then driving back 40 km to drop me home and then driving 20 km back to your house

Love is letting me have control of the remote

Love is letting me listen to the Beatles and Pink Floyd when you are not in the mood to listen to them

Love is moving the LP player to the room so I can listen to music whilst drunk when you want to sleep and just want to have me beside you

Love is reaching out to hold my hand when you are already asleep and can subconsciously feel me nudging you to stop you snoring

Love is spooning in the early hours of the morning to keep warm

Love is tucking my hair behind my ears

Love is keeping your distance after you’ve just smoked a cigarette because you know I can’t bear the smell

Love is asking me what I’m going to eat for dinner that night and take for lunch the next day

Love is taking me to Mark’s every week to eat spaghetti Bolognese

Love is buying me something every time you buy yourself something

Love is giving me spontaneous hugs

Love is putting me before you

And to borrow from the words of one of my favourite poets John Lennon:
Love is you, you and me

In Memory of the Most Lovable Dog that Ever Lived

Darling H... its been more than a year now since you were taken from me. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you or see your adorable face or miss you terribly. And when I dream about you... I think that hits me the most... because in my dreams, you're alive and we're together and we're hanging out just the way we used to, and then I wake up and I'm filled with such an ache at the realisation that it was just a dream, and you are still dead, and I am still alone.

Oh H, I still don't understand why it had to happen. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. You weren't even meant to be mine. You were meant to be A's special pet. You were my Christmas gift to her. And that's why we named you H. And then you sneaked into my heart and I was willing to give up the world for you (in your case, that meant the best seats in the house and waking up at the crack of dawn to let you out to pee). Not that A didn't love you as much. But you and me, we had a special bond. Because I spoilt you like there was no tomorrow and A was a bit more impatient and intolerant of your mad behaviour.

Hahaha... your mad behaviour... you were the naughtiest dog ever. I remember your bravado on your first day in your new home, running out in excitement and then turning right on your heel and smashing into the wall at the first sight of your sister C. Yeah, how you abused her once you grew slightly tall. And your second day, when I came to say goodbye to you on my way to college, that's the first time you spoke and I thought it was so strange and then it became such a part of you that today people think I'm crazy when I say that you spoke to people.

Remember when you sat on your A's head - I was so drunk, all I could do was laugh. And remember when you massacred her entire Barbie collection. That was one of the funniest sights of my life... heads, arms, legs, all over the place. Boy, was she mad!!

I remember the first time you saw yourself in the mirror... you nearly broke the mirror in all the excitement.

And that time at C's birthday party when that tiny little terror M scared the hell out of you who was thrice her size... and all you wanted to do was play, you poor little thing.

How about the day when you ate at least 20 individually wrapped heart-shaped chocolate biscuits that Dad had bought me for Valentine's Day and all that was left over were miniscule little bits of red foil... how sick were you that day... served you right, you greedy thing!!

I'll never forget your presence of mind that night when you and C somehow ran out of the gate and nobody realised because we were busy getting drunk and then you come back and start talking real loudly and imagine my shock when I see that you're outside the gate and you had come back just to warn me that C was outside trying to get it on with some rather unsavoury neighbourhood dogs. You probably saved C from getting rabies that night H. I know you loved her to death inspite of the way you treated her.

I loved how you let Mom and S know exactly how you felt everytime they had to do the dirty work of tying you up or sending you out of the house. Your barking could've brought down the roof on those occasions. And when Mom slapped us in mock anger, you would let her know in no uncertain terms that she would have you to answer to if she ever hurt A or me.

What cruel tricks A and I used to play on you... We only did it because we loved you and we loved how you talked back and we loved how easy it was to trick you... Our favourite was calling your name on speaker phone... that really spooked you out... as did the balloon that made noise when the air was let out. My poor baby...

But you used to play a game with me too, every single morning... you'd paw me until I woke up at the unearthly hour that you used to like waking up, and then we'd walk to the ramp and the house would be dead silent, so you'd refuse to move unless I walked with you... And then you'd just settle yourself on the rug outside Mom and Dad's room and refuse to budge even after I'd opened the front door for you... And you knew I couldn't leave you there and go back to bed... the house would be in a shambles by the time everyone was up... So, I'd have to pretend to go to sleep on the diwan in the living room, and only then would you rise and run down the stairs and go outside... you were so strange H... but I loved every minute of living with you.

And you were a bit of a flirt weren't you... Mom, A and me got a bit boring to you after a couple of hours of hanging with you, but you always had a moment to chat with Dad anytime he said anything to you. And you would never rise for any of the women in the house, but as soon as Dad called you over to talk to you, you'd jump up and race to him, as if he might change his mind. He had a soft spot for you H... we all did... it was impossible not to love you.

Oh H, I miss your mad behaviour, and your sloppy kisses, and your fur that was softer than a baby's bottom, and your eyes that made me melt everytime I looked at you, and your voice, and your lethal lethal tail with which you knocked over people and things alike... Now, I just surround myself with images of you so that you are always close to me... your picture on the dressing table is the first thing I see in the morning after I've showered... I look at your picture on my phone at the tramstop... I switch on my computer at work, and there you are again as my wallpaper... I go home and get dinner started and you're looking at me from the fridge... you're even my MSN photo on MSN Instant Messenger... but it isn't enough, and it will never be enough... because you will never come back. I only hope that one day we can meet again... maybe there are day trips to dog heaven or something from human heaven (let's hope I do go to human heaven)... And until then, please know that you meant the world to me, and I lost a part of me when you died, and I will never ever be able to replace you... And of course, stay out of trouble in dog heaven and be the most lovable dog that ever died (which I know you will be)...