I'm not a perfect person...

Craziest thing happened the other day. Ok maybe not crazy per se but this freaking 'the reason' started playing on the radio and I was just like oh my god what is this song and which era of my life is it even from?? I figured pretty quickly it had been a one hit wonder but also knew I had probably listened to it on repeat about a 100 times. And magically the name of the band came to me. Hoobastank. Haha. What the hell kind of name is that??! I still couldnt really remember when or why it was popular!! But knowing me, it probably had something to do with some angsty issue or the other. Mind you, this is early 20s angst!! Not teenage angst!! Will the angst never end??!!

Great, I've now decided to continue with the angst theme and play these early 20s theme songs. The Blowers Daughter. The melody still haunts me!! I can't take my eyes off of you. I can't take my mind off of you What is it about the arrangment? I think it's the strings that really get you.

Anyway, angst and early 20s reminded me of another old favourite that for some reason is not on my iTunes anymore. How could this happen. This was THE song when I left home all those years ago. Can it really be 9 years??!! And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there... I have not felt this vulnerable in years. Not since those early lonely Carlton years... I'm really not even sure how I can get past it this time...

No trip down angst lane is complete without Coldplay. Yellow is also from that early era but then for a really long time there was nothing in that vein. And then suddenly the bell rang and it all went down... Nothing in my life I don't think can compare to what I had to let go, the way she really broke my heart without even meaning to. It was the hardest part.

Aaaaaah. I need to remember that I'm only blogging and I don't need to say it all in one post on one night but once the floodgates are opened... Anyway, I could go on about angst and come up with about a 100 other theme songs but I shall close with just a couple more...

This isnt really angsty. I actually think no song defines our relationship better than this. Apart from the fact they're not together when the song is being sung...

'Drinking with you when drinking was new'

'Wake up cold coffee and juice. Remembering you. What happened to you'

Ok so I really really loved this song when I discovered it but at least we've reached my mid 20s now. Oh it's what you do to me. Haha. That's definitely not my favourite part of the song. These are the lines that get me everytime.

'I'm by your side

Ive got so much left to say
Even more in love with me you'd fall.'

But this is the kicker...

'I'd walk to you if I had no other way'

So let me close with something I've recently discovered. But before all that, how can I not mention my darling puppy, the real Penny Lane... There are some times I think, oh my god, why did I choose responsibility over freedom (mainly on fri evenings) but one look at her adorable mug and I melt. There are no regrets. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I loved Holly and Chocolate and the ones when I was younger but nothing compares to actually doing every single for them day in and out and the unconditional love and complete dependence they provide in return. Just waiting and hoping. For their next meal or their next play... And that I think is the main difference between a child and puppy. The child will eventually grow up and need you less and less and completely lead their own lives which is a great thing but it just reminds me more acutely about how my Penny needs me for the rest of her life and that is not something that will change. My life would be incomplete without her to greet me every day and night, without her licking me every chance she gets and especially without her cuddling up to me late at night or early morning. Don't matter who's uncomfortable. As long as her head is resting on me and she feels safe and I feel loved...

So rock it till the break of day
This is why we play these games

Tonight I will love love you tonight... Give me everything tonight

What is my world coming to when a song by Pit Bull makes me reminisce??! For like a month ago??! I've decided to start blogging again. But micro-blogging i.e. twitterish bursts of wisdom but not limited to 140 characters exactly. But not my epic sagas of yore either. Haha. Fat chance. Let's see what happens!! So back to Pit Bull of all people. I assume it is actually a person. I wouldn't have a clue of it's a pseudonym or a guy or girl or group or what. Anyhoo, so about a month ago, I visited the party capital of the world and had one of the best nights of my life. Not exactly sure how or why but it was freaking awesome. I won't get into the details but suffice it to say we rolled Miami to Ibiza style with the Swedish House Mafia and Hed Kandi!! But that wasn't even the most awesome part. It was being my usual wide awake self at 7 am and convincing folks that the only thing to be done right there and then was to swim in the ocean. So fearlessly I dove in and floated about for a couple of hours and watched the sun rise and everything. I also know I couldn't touch the sandy floor a number of times but apparently when one is drunk, there is no fear. Ironic because not touching the ocean floor is probably when you need your wits about you the most. But it wasn't the first time and it won't be the last time. Come to think about it it wouldn't be the worst way to go. I'm never happier than when I'm floating about in the buoyant sea, alcohol gently clouding my normally overly practical judgement!! Honestly my best times in life have been in these similar circumstances. Only the sea/country itself changes. India, Australia, Fiji, Thailand, Malaysia, Italy, Spain, France... I have very simple needs :-) So anyway, that was my point. This song reminds me of Ibiza which reminds me of yet another free ocean moment... And then there was the drive to France... Road trips tend to sound more romantic than they really are... For most of it, the freeways roll into each other until they're one big massive stretch of grey nothingness with the occasional beautiful ocean view or snowcapped mountain thrown in but on every such trip, there always comes that moment where it all comes together and the right song plays and you remember why you started this trek in the first place and you manage to catch that fleeting elusive wind of pure contentment... So Pit Bull rocked it this time... Who could be next :-) My roadtripping tales for another time then...

Cherry blossom girl

I can't believe I caved that way about age on the last post. Believe me, I'm still strongly for being older and wiser over being younger and thinner! Ok that was a lie. I'm totally for being thinner! Anyhoo this is totally my year for getting fit. I'm halfway there and it ain't been easy. But once you're on your on your way it's amazing how every little thing makes a difference. Anyway don't really want to talk exercise. So over it! I really want to blog about all the awesome things that've happened in the last year and a half but I don't know where to begin. Should I start with the wedding? Was it seriously a year ago? But there was so much even before the wedding. The planning, the dress fittings (the severely hungover Sat morning fittings), Bikram yoga (or boga as it was affectionately referred to), the weekly pilgrimages to Adelaide, it feels unreal when I think of it now. I search for things in my email and unintentionally come across these incredibly whiny bitchy spoilt brat emails to my parents. I honestly cringe when I read them. Did they really give in to my every whim so easily? Did it matter to me so much? At some level I always knew that the only thing that mattered was the fact that I was marrying the love of my life. That was the same level that barely planned the honeymoon apart from the flights and the hotels. That's odd no? Shouldn't I have been more stressed about the trip being perfect? But strangely it didn't bother me one bit. And even while I was on it, I really didn't care where I went and what I did. I was so relaxed. As long as I got food and drink and sun and sleep and shops. And so much beautiful ocean. But that's a whole other story. I know that most Indian brides especially don't stress about shit... It all just happens magically. I always knew that was never how it was going to go down with me. But I also didn't realize quite how hard I had to work to realize my perfect wedding vision! I got to India 4 weeks before the big day and as much as I partied and socialised by night, the amount of work I did by day (and quite often by night) was quite incredible! Don't let anyone ever tell you planning a wedding is easy. It totally ain't. Especially if you're a perfectionist and a dreamer / idealist like me. That was the great part though... it turned out to be the most awesome and perfect week of my life, ups and downs and all! There may be a couple of things I'd do differently if I had the chance again but mostly that's how I'd it again. And that's how I'll relive it in my mind every year! Oh my god, it was the worst of times but mostly it was the best of times! :-) Its impossible to record all the crazy moments. I guess the best thing for me was always the fact that I had my dearest friends around me and my dearest family around me. And my hon bun was always there to defuse every bridezilla moment (and there were a few non-humourous ones)! But there were also many humourous Bridezilla moments and I'm so gonna miss her!!!! So anyway, there was a lot of lead up to the wedding and every minute and every day was so very special and one of a kind! I don't think I ever really knew what to expect with getting married but I know for a fact that I'm so happy that I had 4 whole weeks to deal with it and didn't rush it all in like 1.5 (and even 4 was barely enough). So getting down to brass tacks, there we were... back home. Right where we started. 8.5 years later. Many times when I thought about it later, I wondered why we went back... The peope we cared about would've made it Bora Bora even if that's what we wanted. But could we have had it any other way? I honestly don't think so! It might sound trite or self-rightous to say this, but I think we owed it to ourselves and our stupid adolescent town! In my life there are places I remember! So anyway, there we were, right we started. And I couldn't have been happier:-) Even when things went to shit and folk pissed me off and the weather refused to give us a straight answer, not for 1 second did I doubt that my "best laid plans" would dare to go against me and mess everything up.

So what else shall I describe?