Another weekend gone by and only 10 days left until the big day. The big day refers to my birthday, of course. I’m not one of those people who pretend they don’t care about their birthday and who say things like ‘oh, its no big deal’. I’m one of those people who loves birthdays, especially my own and says things like ‘oh, its my birthday, so drop everything you’re doing and come party with me’. I mean, come on, birthdays are meant to be celebrated and I’ve celebrated every single one of them like they were going out of style. Anyway, we’ll see what happens this year…
On Friday I went to the housewarming party of someone who lives on the ground floor of my apartment building. He had invited everyone in the building and since we’ve never really met any of our neighbours, we dropped in. It was mostly middle-aged to older people and a couple of young people. Shantaram became a topic of conversation as it is prone to become when a white person meets an Indian for the first time and looks for some common ground. I don’t mind… I think its great that so many of them enjoyed the book. They won’t be so biased or culture shocked if they ever visit.
At one point, the host asks me "How do you take that life-altering decision of leaving family and friends and everything familiar behind and starting out fresh in a whole new country and culture"? Fuck, good question! For me, it was never a conscious decision… it was just an undercurrent in everything I dreamed my life would be when I grew up. And when I did grow up, I couldn’t really take it all back… But when I grew up, I realised that I really loved my life in Madras and didn’t think anything could ever compare with it.
Nothing has, so far.
I remember writing something when I left three years ago, something like:
But this is everything I’ve dreamed of since age 7. So why do I wish I was 7 again and this day was still 14 years away?
So these are the choices that we make and we have to stand behind them or we would be left with nothing, no direction, no mistakes to learn from, no right to say ‘I did it’. And there are still choices, there is hope yet! I didn’t mean to get all melancholy like this. Its not that my life is shit or anything but its soooo very different to my previous life in Madras.
There I was a part of a social fabric… there was always someone to call, someone to visit, someone to smoke a cigarette with, someone to smoke a joint with, someone to have a drink in the afternoon with… there were competing priorities… education, family, partying, dogs… rushing off from a family dinner to the night’s drinking gathering… rushing off from Sunday afternoon smokes (in full stoned glory) to catch at least the latter half of Mass (and more importantly, making sure my parents saw me)… rushing off from college to give my sister a lift home, take the dog to the vet, drop the dog back home (sometimes spastically sedated, poor baby) and rush off for the day’s entertainment. Anyway, my point is, it was really quite a happening, never-a-boring-moment kind of existence and then I played the cruel joke upon myself of leaving all that behind to study here.
Now I’m sure lots of people have some really fun times in university here but it just so happened that mine was the only course on the planet that people actually did for the sake of the course itself and not for the sake of getting a stupid degree. The average age was 35 and the most scintillating conversation was about which website was more usable and which website was more community building oriented. There were some fun moments and a couple of smashed moments but mostly it was coursework, coursework and more coursework.
Work at least has been much better… I’m part of a band of merry boys and girls (average age of 23 which is just right) and we get each other through the monotony and drudgery that is corporate life by talking shit all day. And sometimes we hang out on a Friday evening but it’s pretty much a work life/personal life separation thing!
So outside of these two social avenues, there have been the people you meet somehow or the other and some of them are fun and some of them are not and some of them are fun only when drunk and some of them talk too much or don't talk at all. Well obviously, I am extremely choosy… how can I not be when my friends from school and college and Madras and even Bangalore are just some of the coolest people around! I’ve been spoiled with good company and now no one seems to meet those standards.
And as for family, well really, don’t knock ‘em. Its only when they’re not around, you realise how entertaining even they can be. And as for dogs, well I don’t want to start sobbing my heart out now, so I’ll save my dog tales for another day.
So the best thing out of all this is that S and I are as close as two people can be and have had to entertain each other for three years and we aren’t bored yet.
And I really believe that everything happens for a reason and my happening life will come back to me sometime soon.
It seems I’ve forgotten what I even started writing about. The host also asked if I felt that Australia had accepted me and I think I’ll save that can of worms for another day! Got really wasted that night with some people who came over. It was fun. Had a really lazy Saturday, got a haircut, shopped for miscellaneous items, oooh S bought me a pre-birthday gift – a pair of Levis, watched The Interpreter and Hostage on DVD – the first one was shit and the second one was ok! Yesterday I just slept and slept and slept and read a bit in between. Today I have my first gym session in about an hour and I’m really excited about it – you will be hearing much about my fitness regime in the days to come.
For me, the day I left Madras was like the day the music died. Because like American Pie was a semi-autobiographical journey from innocence to adulthood for Don Mclean, so was my life in Madras my journey from innocence into adulthood and one day it ended as all eras tend to and that was the day the music died.
A long long time ago
I can still remember how that music used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance that I could make those people dance
And maybe they’d be happy for a while
Invariably, the music that makes me smile always leads back to Madras. They have that saying ‘All roads lead to Rome’ because in those BC days, all roads did literally lead to Rome since they were the only ones building them. For me, all roads lead to Madras… what a name, what a place, what an era!
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14 comments:
Awww.. but you'll be back soon to all things you love, even if it's only for a few days! Please let us know how the exercise routine goes .. should be fun!!
You have a lot more going for you think. And the love that you feel for this city is so strong only because you left it. Trust me on that.
I'm getting goose bumps! And I swear I thought in the middle of reading this that it was me talking.. or writing.. or thinking, at least, the same thoughts. We must meet penny lane.
Wow. That post really, really got me sad. Really nicely written and all that.
I could ramble on about how crammed my head is with memories of Madras, of college and of Other Things. About how its the people that make the place what it is and all that.
But all that seems so pointless right now. Coz when you realize its something that might never happen again, something that you might have forever lost, you really don't want to bottle it, and stick a label on it and call it a memory. Coz there is some small chance that you can still fool your mind into living it again. And again. And again...
Aww...ritster....the grass is always greener on the other side. And believe me for people like you and me who have lived on both sides of the not so green grass....should know better!!! MAdras will always be Madras....the place we call home..and the place that holds for all of us its infinite memories. It will always be home no matter what. But as time goes by ....things change and yet what we think of as home is not necessarily what we've left behind. It's something else. Its the 'people' who make a place what it is...and not all of the people you associate with home are back home...quite a few of them have also left Madras just like you. But all we can do is hold on to the memories coz they will last forever!!! I did not mean to get all melancholy....but relate so well to what you say!!!!
lovely post penny :)
am sure there are people "back home" who think, just coz you are "abroad" you are cool... but i can see how you think otherwise...
love your ramblings PL! and way to go with the gym'ing! woke up to a morning alert saying GYM on my phone, but promptly turned it off & went back to sleep! was planning to start today, but i'm travelling for a week, so its pointless to start right now! excuses! excuses!
go home to madras soon penny. i'm sure we'll see happier blogs then! home is where the heart is..and your heart is certainly in madras. have you ever thought of moving back to the city you so love?
Hey when is your birthday!!? I dont want to be late for my piece of the cake!
"I’ve been spoiled with good company and now no one seems to meet those standards" Tell me about it!!! Isn't it getting more and more difficult to make some really cool friends? The kind you'd want to sit outside on your compound wall and chat away into the nite with?
bangalore is cool too!!
I guess there's just no place like HOME
forgot to say- this was areal nice one...
I demand (may, i please) more posts!
Happy Onam Penny
Lavi: Yeah, just starting so a bit slow still!
Rat: Maybe... but the point is the people are not here...
The Cowlick: I guess it happens to everyone who lives away from home. Yeah, we should sometime.
Vignesh: I know... I just want to believe that it can be like that again but it never will be!
Liquid Sunshine: That's true. I'm not really regretting any of it. I'm sure I'd have been whining about something else in Madras. And what is 'diaspora'? I obviously have no hope of becoming one!
JR: I know my love. By the way, good start on the blog :)
D: Thanks:) And I know I thought everyone who lived abroad was cool when I was young so I wonder if it really was cool for them?!
Tartrazina: That's why I just had to make a move and pay the money. I've been putting it off for ages!
Wanderstruck: Its not really that simple because I'd like to get my citizenship here after spending so much time here and that why my kids can be Australian citizens if they want... and my biggest fear is going back to Madras and finding everyone I love there going somewhere else!
Jax: Getting too old to try also!
Akr: Thanks:) New post up!
Snoop: Thank you so much for reminding me of my cultural background and associated festivals :p You are the only one who has wished me :)
Sorry Dr. Pissed... I totally missed replying to your comment...
After Madras, I think I love Bangalore most of all (and Melbourne, of course)
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